One of my favorite movies is "Breakfast at Tiffany's". At one point, the lead character explains her sadness by calling them "The Mean Reds." Not the "blues" because those come about because of cloudy days and pass over rather quickly. Mean Reds are more blistering and last longer.
And I fear I am in the middle of the mean reds. In my research for law school applications, I found it daunting how behind I am in the whole process of things. Furthermore, due to the transparency of applications, I have all the missteps of my past to explain, steps I am none to proud of. And it makes me sad because I know I am capable of some awesome things but might be held back because of stupidness I let transpire, results of actions I knew better than to undertake.
It's all too much sometimes. I went to chapel today. But I couldn't focus. I know that I should Let Go and Let God but I have a bad history of letting go and not holding up my end of the bargain and I'm so tired of doing that. Oh I want to run away where I can start over and no one can expect anything of me. I wish I didn't expect so much of myself sometimes. I wish I could just breathe.
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
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