Babies Don't Have To Happen

Believe me I'm glad when they do. I am a big baby lover. I'm concerned enough about children's welfare that some wonder if I'm a social worker. But my momma was one once and I am too disturbed by the system to ever consider that as a lifelong career field. But I'm pretty sure some of her caring nature bubbled over and dripped on my soul and now I care about babies a lot.

And of course, like most, I would like babies to be born in the most ideal situations possible. Loving household with sufficient economic resources and all that wonderful stuff that decreases the chances of a deviant social being. But I'm a realist too and I realize that all babies can't be born in such idyllic situations. But it amazes me how many are born in not-so-great situations that can be prevented.

This is all spurred by a conversation with the Princess Bride (I've been drafted as a wedding consultant. I'm sure I'll talk more about this later. Something else I got from my momma.) regarding a person we both know who used to go to our school. He got his girlfriend pregnant. And less than eight months after the arrival of the first one - where a permanent breakup transpired - he knocked her up with the second one. Me and Princess both couldn't understand how you let that happen. First one, you get the pass. Too passionate and didn't slip on the jimmy hat. But the second one, especially since you already have contempt for baby mama's parenting skills, you run to the store for the rubber or fashion one out of your tires if the sex is that necessary.

And then you have all those wonderful birth control options. Did you know that some birth control options will only cost you like $1 a day? That's amazing. Now that the new one Seasonale has come out that let's you have four periods a year (that's right girls: only FOUR), why aren't we pushing this much harder? Nymphomaniacs and frustrated boyfriends rejoice greatly! Mothers and fathers who think they're too young to be grandparents: Stop acknowledging your children's budding sexuality and just spring for the shit already.

Is it possible that we could get the scientists working on cutting the carbs in Coke and excising as much fat off a beef pattie on a Foreman grill working on a condom that really enhances intercourse? Or at least no more than a 10% drop off? I mean we got Star Wars missile defense, can't we develop something that stops the most dangerous of missiles while letting the joy come in? People it can happen. I believe.

And we honestly talk to the kids too instead of being in constant denial? Kids got cell phones and computers so you can't have them on surveillance like back in the day. As friends with benefits proliferates among the high school generation, you just gotta get over yourself and realize your baby might be bringing home a baby if you're not careful. And why not some money for education and better health care for the poor. Il Dubya could solve two problems with one if he let the kids know that they could have birth control pills for a $1 a day. I know a bunch of teens that would take that job at McDonald's to pay for the damn things. Poor working + Poor not producing more poor for the time being. Isn't that what he wants?

Since I'm running for Miss America this year, I've decided this will be my platform. Generations keep coming closer and closer together and 30 year old grandparents just aren't as cool as the 60 year old ones.

Adventures In Slumberland

So I had two trippy dreams I can recall from last night's sleep.

The first involved a move with my parents. It was a new apartment. Very sterile looking since it had only white walls. The corridors looked like something out the Matrix when Neo goes and talks to the architect. Anyhoo, cold and such and then I see that my parents are dead. Their bodies are just floating in this pool within one of the rooms. For some reason I knew what to do, taking each body and letting it float in it's own respective body shaped pool. Then I called the authorities. What's funny is that I started thinking about all the logistics, life insurance policies and funeral arrangements. Then all of a sudden I had a grief attack I guess. Crying uncontrollably. Screaming "Why?!?!?" like a bad lifetime movie. Finally my brain got annoyed and woke me up.

The second one wasn't as detailed but I'll recall it anyway. It basically involved Drizzle. She was in one of those sleeveless sweaters she likes, except this one was sparkly and fuchsia, two things I never think she would combine in an every day ensemble. Anyhoo, she gave me something and then she walked off. I was trying to get her to stay, but she seemed preoccupied.

So one theory says dreams are what you really desire. Do I want my parents dead? Yeah in a way sure. Not cause I don't like them, rather because I love. They're in a state of perpetual suffering. I'd at least like the people they are now to disappear. But Drizzle's a different category. I want her still. Our situation is like the lyrics to Usher's Burn. (Did I just quote Usher) Maybe it's a sign. Maybe it's my brain just recapping events for me like a torturous America's Most Wanted dramatization. Maybe I should just stop eating double chocolate cake before I go to sleep.

Happiness Is...

...finding 11 chicken McNuggets in a box that was only supposed to contain 10

Now You Gotta Kiss Me

I don't know why I went away for so long. It's not like I didn't have things to write about. I've been keeping a list of topics I've wanted to vent about. Maybe I was too busy with an actual job that I overlooked this too easily. I don't think that's the case. I've had enough down time over the weeks. Whatever. For the umpteenth time, I will do my best to be consistent. And I'll probably be writing a similar entry in the near future.

Life has been surprisingly okay. Nothing terribly exciting. Mostly I've been brushing up on my phone skills, both business and personal. On the business side, it's been learning what to say and how to say it. On the personal side it's been more like what not to say and when and how not to say it. This has been much more difficult. The personal side has been mainly in my dealings with the fairer sex, although I am perpetually baffled as to how they got that lofty title. These relationships seem totally unfair.

At least I've felt wanted in all of this, on both counts. Would be supervisors keep on courting me to work. And the fairer sex keeps contacting me and I keep answering against better judgment. Maybe it's because they say nice things sometimes. I've been complimented on my kissing prowess recently so I guess my statutes on the topic are worthy. But I think I have to sit out of relationships for a while. I'm not good at them at all. This only child thing is coming back to bite me in the ass.

The flirting/witty banter thing I gush about so often seems to work well for me. They keep getting caught in the web. If only I could work it out that all my relationships could be carried out with IMs, text messages, and late night tenderness sessions. Then I could be in the clear. Daylight and actual contact don't seem to mesh for me. And I honestly don't feel like working on it, right now at least. One day I know I'll have to suck it up and work it out, especially if I want to have that antiquated American dream I've been programmed to desire. Please believe I want to have a saccharine sweet relationship that makes people sick like the couples on "A Wedding Story." Guess not right now though.