Tuesday, January 31, 2006
So That Surprise
Yeah in that second class I had I gave myself bruises on my temples because I was pushing my tolerance button so much. Thank God for English teachers cause they at least appeal to my greater senses.
Surprise
I woke up this morning and I seriously didn't want to. It looked nasty outside (confirmed) and I seriously wasn't trying to go to class. The whole sit for 80 minutes and listen to someone talk about something you are usually uninterested in is very unappealing. Especially when you add in the high probability that there will be people making very annoying comments, sleep is a very favorable alternative.
Somehow I got over myself and got my butt in the seat, albeit 10 minutes late. Surprise surprise, I actually missed the classroom setting. When I think about it, I haven't really been in the classroom setting in about a year. This time last year I was beginning to just skip the darn things. In the summer I did the dang thing, but that was broken up by labs and the professor's chill demeanor. Last semester all I had was voice and independent study.
So it was actually kind of cool to be taking notes and listening to classroom discussion. Yeah sometimes people said silly and frustrating things, but I found my tolerance button and used it quite liberally so it was very manageable. Some pain must go with the pleasure of finally completing this stupid B.S.
Somehow I got over myself and got my butt in the seat, albeit 10 minutes late. Surprise surprise, I actually missed the classroom setting. When I think about it, I haven't really been in the classroom setting in about a year. This time last year I was beginning to just skip the darn things. In the summer I did the dang thing, but that was broken up by labs and the professor's chill demeanor. Last semester all I had was voice and independent study.
So it was actually kind of cool to be taking notes and listening to classroom discussion. Yeah sometimes people said silly and frustrating things, but I found my tolerance button and used it quite liberally so it was very manageable. Some pain must go with the pleasure of finally completing this stupid B.S.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Celebrity
So me and Boy Wonder were walking through the city appreciating the many wonders the streets have to offer. I then spotted a Little Brother promotional van. I looked more closely and thought I actually recognized the two guys in the back of the van as the group members I had seen the previous night. I walked behind them and was basically breathing on them when I finally just popped up and said that I was at the show. They gave me and Boy Wonder pounds and we went on our way.
Of course I appeared cool there but I was skipping on the outside. Shoot I couldn't stop thinking about it for a good 30 minutes after the whole encounter. I obsessed over the fact that I had a camera and didn't even think to take a picture.
So why do we get so giddy over celebrities? As Little Brother proved, they are just regular guys. They were buying winter coats for their sojourn to Minneapolis for their next concert. They had no entourage. They were right there on the street. Maybe it is just the ability to create something that is so wonderful makes us weak in the knees when we see the celebrities we adore. But your momma makes some great food and you don't gush over her. Possible we should start treating the celebrities like everyday people and the everyday people more like celebrities.
Of course I appeared cool there but I was skipping on the outside. Shoot I couldn't stop thinking about it for a good 30 minutes after the whole encounter. I obsessed over the fact that I had a camera and didn't even think to take a picture.
So why do we get so giddy over celebrities? As Little Brother proved, they are just regular guys. They were buying winter coats for their sojourn to Minneapolis for their next concert. They had no entourage. They were right there on the street. Maybe it is just the ability to create something that is so wonderful makes us weak in the knees when we see the celebrities we adore. But your momma makes some great food and you don't gush over her. Possible we should start treating the celebrities like everyday people and the everyday people more like celebrities.
Winter Classic
Boy Wonder and I ventured to the Nokia Theatre in Times Square, NYC to see the Winter Classic, basically a hodgepodge of underground rap acts.
As with any hip-hop show in New York, you must prepare for a lot of standing. I mean the doors opened at 7:30 but the show wasn't supposed to start until 9. Boy Wonder was ill-equipped and round the 8:35 mark started to show signs of fatigue. The warm-up DJ ws actually pretty decent, playing a nice mix of old and new and never ever heard, but at least it made you distracted. The DJ that was actually on the bill, Lord Sear, was uneven at best. He kept making weird advances to the ladies and tried to make us dance but put on head nod music. He gets a C+.
The host's name was Kinetic Energy but he was more like inertia. It was like I was hosting in front of my iTunes. He would shout something real loud, then rap along a bit with whatever Lord Sear was doing. Half of the audience was doing that. F.
The show started with some cat named Spec Boogie. It started off appealiing cause he had two fine backup singers. And the first song wasn't that bad. He also kicked an a capella with some sick one-liners (my father was a photographer so you know I'm focused). But then the train got derailed. He was hard to understand. His energy seemed forced. And his Loosey crew wasn't so fantastic. But he's young so he gets the B+ for effort and a overall B-.
Next up was Pete Rock who did a DJ set. He started off strong with some classic cuts and then brought out a surprise in Jin, who was surprisingly good. Made me actually want to hear some more from him. After Jin left though, Pete's set kind of flagged. So he gets the B+. If he had cut it off after Jin it might have been an A.
Little Brother came up and just did the damn thing. They had so much energy, especially Phonte. It was so great to watch becuase what they were doing was exactly what I do when I listen to their records. The silly dancing, the exaggerated body movements, the jumping around. I didn't feel so stupid. They did my favorite song ever from their first album and they did the current favorite of The Factory. The only problem was that their set was too short. After Pete Rock rocked for the longest I expected something comparable to his set but it seemed to be over too quickly. They still get the A+++.
Big Daddy Kane was up next. I really didn't know what to expect but he blew my mind. He came out in some red leather pants, red stripe Adidas, and a red shirt. But he killed it. He had more energy than the Spec Boogie cat, and he could have been his father. He was running back and forth, jumping up and down, and even made a walk through the crowd (I got to touch his hand and got a mix CD). He also brought out two of the Furious Five and they did the classic "The Message." A+
MF Doom was the headliner and I must admit I'm not that familiar with his material which might have affected my opinion. It helped that there were people around me who were feeling it cause there energy transferred to me. The beats were crazy but I couldn't understand what he was saying. But I did leave wanting to hear more and I guess that's what you're supposed to do. So he gets a B+.
The encore seemed a little rushed. Kweli did come out and rocked a song and a freestyle. Doom came out but it seems there was pressure to end the show. We later heard that they had gone 25 minutes over time. Great record for the first hip-hop show in that venue.
So overall it probably gets a B. Not the best show I've been too but definitely a respite from wackness. It was also nice to be around some people who I know feel music just as much as me. Sometimes I feel alone and this put my mind at ease for maybe two more weeks. Plus I got to go to a hip-hop show were white people were acting up instead of black people. One was getting arrested when we left and two drunk chicks almost gave Boy Wonder a concussion. Extra credit moves them up to a B+.
As with any hip-hop show in New York, you must prepare for a lot of standing. I mean the doors opened at 7:30 but the show wasn't supposed to start until 9. Boy Wonder was ill-equipped and round the 8:35 mark started to show signs of fatigue. The warm-up DJ ws actually pretty decent, playing a nice mix of old and new and never ever heard, but at least it made you distracted. The DJ that was actually on the bill, Lord Sear, was uneven at best. He kept making weird advances to the ladies and tried to make us dance but put on head nod music. He gets a C+.
The host's name was Kinetic Energy but he was more like inertia. It was like I was hosting in front of my iTunes. He would shout something real loud, then rap along a bit with whatever Lord Sear was doing. Half of the audience was doing that. F.
The show started with some cat named Spec Boogie. It started off appealiing cause he had two fine backup singers. And the first song wasn't that bad. He also kicked an a capella with some sick one-liners (my father was a photographer so you know I'm focused). But then the train got derailed. He was hard to understand. His energy seemed forced. And his Loosey crew wasn't so fantastic. But he's young so he gets the B+ for effort and a overall B-.
Next up was Pete Rock who did a DJ set. He started off strong with some classic cuts and then brought out a surprise in Jin, who was surprisingly good. Made me actually want to hear some more from him. After Jin left though, Pete's set kind of flagged. So he gets the B+. If he had cut it off after Jin it might have been an A.
Little Brother came up and just did the damn thing. They had so much energy, especially Phonte. It was so great to watch becuase what they were doing was exactly what I do when I listen to their records. The silly dancing, the exaggerated body movements, the jumping around. I didn't feel so stupid. They did my favorite song ever from their first album and they did the current favorite of The Factory. The only problem was that their set was too short. After Pete Rock rocked for the longest I expected something comparable to his set but it seemed to be over too quickly. They still get the A+++.
Big Daddy Kane was up next. I really didn't know what to expect but he blew my mind. He came out in some red leather pants, red stripe Adidas, and a red shirt. But he killed it. He had more energy than the Spec Boogie cat, and he could have been his father. He was running back and forth, jumping up and down, and even made a walk through the crowd (I got to touch his hand and got a mix CD). He also brought out two of the Furious Five and they did the classic "The Message." A+
MF Doom was the headliner and I must admit I'm not that familiar with his material which might have affected my opinion. It helped that there were people around me who were feeling it cause there energy transferred to me. The beats were crazy but I couldn't understand what he was saying. But I did leave wanting to hear more and I guess that's what you're supposed to do. So he gets a B+.
The encore seemed a little rushed. Kweli did come out and rocked a song and a freestyle. Doom came out but it seems there was pressure to end the show. We later heard that they had gone 25 minutes over time. Great record for the first hip-hop show in that venue.
So overall it probably gets a B. Not the best show I've been too but definitely a respite from wackness. It was also nice to be around some people who I know feel music just as much as me. Sometimes I feel alone and this put my mind at ease for maybe two more weeks. Plus I got to go to a hip-hop show were white people were acting up instead of black people. One was getting arrested when we left and two drunk chicks almost gave Boy Wonder a concussion. Extra credit moves them up to a B+.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Where Am I Going?
As I prepare to venture to New York City, I reflect that I am going with Boy Wonder. Because of his presence, I automatically avoid any awkward and uncomfortable conversations with my parents. It's sad that it has deteriorated to that level. There were happy times, but now it just seems as though , well it just is.
So the question now arises about where the hell I am going. The turmoil at my job shook me up. I forgot that I am at the whims of an agency and I really have no control over what they may do to me. Plus the fact that these last couple of times in the city I basically skip around due to the happiness and I have my New York glare back in working form, I realize that a city might be healthiest for me. Or more to the point, a change of scenery.
But where to? There's always home. No rent which opens up the opportunity of doing lesser, yet more interesting work. Socrates might have a space for me, which leaves me in Brooklyn with a friend but then I have to find a more serious hustle. Also there could be the possibility of being in Queens with my cousin but that place is out there. You have to get a Star Trek transporter just to get anywhere. Of course there is the open invitation to Florida, and that's the one I am seriously considering.
First that Cali trip had me appreciate that wonderful celestial being the sun. The sun is great. The sun is beauiful. I don't think I could uproot and move somewhere where I had no base so for now Cali is out of the quetion unless I want to go to school out there. But Hixican Jew has a house and he always says he'd hook me up with a job and a place so it sounds mighty appetizing. Plus I have some weird affinity for the South, even though I've spent minimal time there. I hope God guides me where I need to be cause I'm pretty sure it's not here in Massachusetts.
So the question now arises about where the hell I am going. The turmoil at my job shook me up. I forgot that I am at the whims of an agency and I really have no control over what they may do to me. Plus the fact that these last couple of times in the city I basically skip around due to the happiness and I have my New York glare back in working form, I realize that a city might be healthiest for me. Or more to the point, a change of scenery.
But where to? There's always home. No rent which opens up the opportunity of doing lesser, yet more interesting work. Socrates might have a space for me, which leaves me in Brooklyn with a friend but then I have to find a more serious hustle. Also there could be the possibility of being in Queens with my cousin but that place is out there. You have to get a Star Trek transporter just to get anywhere. Of course there is the open invitation to Florida, and that's the one I am seriously considering.
First that Cali trip had me appreciate that wonderful celestial being the sun. The sun is great. The sun is beauiful. I don't think I could uproot and move somewhere where I had no base so for now Cali is out of the quetion unless I want to go to school out there. But Hixican Jew has a house and he always says he'd hook me up with a job and a place so it sounds mighty appetizing. Plus I have some weird affinity for the South, even though I've spent minimal time there. I hope God guides me where I need to be cause I'm pretty sure it's not here in Massachusetts.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Man to Man
So I've done things in the past couple of weeks that I thought I'd never have the courage or gumption to do. But I sucked it up and did it. Now I challenge myself to tackle one of the biggest albatrosses that has occupied my life: my father.
As many father/son relationships go, it has been quite an arduous affair. He's made his share of mistakes which he regularly must dwell on. He sees me and I am possibly doing some of the same things so he tries to step in and be a father. This I greatly appreciate. My problem with it though is that he never tries to understand why I am doing the things I do. I personally recognize what I am doing wrong but I am trying to go about my journey and work out as many kinks now as I can. I feel as though he kept plugging along without reflecting on the trials he faced which caused him issues later on.
The straw that broke the camel's back most recently was the fact that I dropped my chemistry class. I wasn't motivated to do the work and my work schedule didn't help with it much. Most importantly I decided I didn't want to do the medical school route (for now). So why waste the time and energy on something that was unnecessary? Anyway, he had a mini-eruption and has been pretty incommunicado since.
But can I be the bigger man and just give him a hug and let him know how much he means to me? I said it. It's out there. Now for the follow through.
As many father/son relationships go, it has been quite an arduous affair. He's made his share of mistakes which he regularly must dwell on. He sees me and I am possibly doing some of the same things so he tries to step in and be a father. This I greatly appreciate. My problem with it though is that he never tries to understand why I am doing the things I do. I personally recognize what I am doing wrong but I am trying to go about my journey and work out as many kinks now as I can. I feel as though he kept plugging along without reflecting on the trials he faced which caused him issues later on.
The straw that broke the camel's back most recently was the fact that I dropped my chemistry class. I wasn't motivated to do the work and my work schedule didn't help with it much. Most importantly I decided I didn't want to do the medical school route (for now). So why waste the time and energy on something that was unnecessary? Anyway, he had a mini-eruption and has been pretty incommunicado since.
But can I be the bigger man and just give him a hug and let him know how much he means to me? I said it. It's out there. Now for the follow through.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
More Things To Accomplish
In the wake of my first wedding attended on my own, where I handled travel arrangements on my own, it is only fitting that I write about some things I'd like to accomplish.
1) 200 #'s of Muscle. Everybody say's I'm getting diesel but I'm still on the skinny side I guess. So right now I'm at 194 exactly. I figure a highly regimented diet and exercise program more disciplined than the "Whatever Happens @ Work Plan" I currently employ should do the tirck.
2) Travel To Every Continent. My passport looks like I'm a jetsetter but this is one of my first plane trips in a while. I want to get this sucker to have more stamps than the postal service. I'm eyeing summer 2007 but I need to do the planning and saving from now if it should become a reality.
1) 200 #'s of Muscle. Everybody say's I'm getting diesel but I'm still on the skinny side I guess. So right now I'm at 194 exactly. I figure a highly regimented diet and exercise program more disciplined than the "Whatever Happens @ Work Plan" I currently employ should do the tirck.
2) Travel To Every Continent. My passport looks like I'm a jetsetter but this is one of my first plane trips in a while. I want to get this sucker to have more stamps than the postal service. I'm eyeing summer 2007 but I need to do the planning and saving from now if it should become a reality.
Eye of the Beholder
A beautiful woman just walked past me. I looked to my right and a woman who was supposedly beautiful was staring at me from a magazine. Attractive maybe, but not beautiful. Then it occurred to me that there are so many fine women that it is incomprehenible to imagine. When I ride the subway in the city, there are so many girls that could be in fashion shoots. Yet they occupy regular jobs like editorial assistant and junior analyst.
So how do these magazine models and celebrity figures we worship get to such an exalted place when normal people are often equal opand sometimes surppass their beauty? I guess some of it's ambition and some is luck. I would implore you to appreciate the beauty around you because those girls are real and can give you more than those model girls can ever give you.
So how do these magazine models and celebrity figures we worship get to such an exalted place when normal people are often equal opand sometimes surppass their beauty? I guess some of it's ambition and some is luck. I would implore you to appreciate the beauty around you because those girls are real and can give you more than those model girls can ever give you.
When Did Silence Get Such A Bad Rap?
So I'm on the airbus going from Monterey back to San Jose and people and these people are just chatting it up. What makes it worse is that two of the conversants have two of the most stereotypically annoying voices on the planet. The driver speaks in a lazy monotone and there's this old lady who has this sweet everything will be okay voice that is currently in its higher register. Unfortunately she doesn't realize her political views really hold no weight when people can't tell if she's talking about the path rightward of the Supreme Court or she's offering them a muffin.
I swear people can't let stuff just be. I find myself falling to the cabal lately. I actually caught myself initiating small talk with cab drivers. And what is the point? Why not save the breath you would waste on an entirely inconsequential conversation on maybe thinking about yourself for a change? You know how the weather is. Don't state the obvious.
Just shut up! The bloody animals seem to be happy
Let me sleep. Goodness!
I swear people can't let stuff just be. I find myself falling to the cabal lately. I actually caught myself initiating small talk with cab drivers. And what is the point? Why not save the breath you would waste on an entirely inconsequential conversation on maybe thinking about yourself for a change? You know how the weather is. Don't state the obvious.
Just shut up! The bloody animals seem to be happy
Let me sleep. Goodness!
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Hypocrisy
Hypocrisy is so prevalent but it's easy to understand why. It's just so simple. To get something you want, you say one thing. To get something else you say another thing, even though it contradicts the first thing. The only people that aren't hypocrites are the people that value integrity more than anything else. How do I get to be one of these people?
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
The Spirit World
Today I vowed to give up something in honor of my grandmothers. I told them so. Then I realized that I don't believe that sort of thing because they're dead. And for a moment I wished I did believe that sort of thing.
Imagine the source of comfort one would receive if their dead ancestors could be conjured up with the touch of a cell phone. Or just a whisper in the air. That is such a warm and comforting thought. And I've been drawn to it for some time, with no reason whatsoever.
I think that belief in such things, at least for me, is based on the perceived insight into my personality and the possible guidance they may offer. If there's a personality test out there, pass it to me and I'll do it. Horoscopes, Chinese zodiac and the like are all like personality tests in their own ways. They supposedly offer insights into the personalities of the people that fit each profile. Furthermore, they offer road maps that will allegedly help you succeed. Genius!
As one can see from my links, I've put too much stock into these things. But the allure is almost undeniable. From careers to love, the offer blueprints for happiness. But the proposal I know is retarded. There is no chance that I am everything a Capricorn or Rooster represents. My best mate might be an Aries or a Dragon.
The best thing though would be to leave it in God's hands and just live. That possible blueprint is one I'll have to deny from now on
Imagine the source of comfort one would receive if their dead ancestors could be conjured up with the touch of a cell phone. Or just a whisper in the air. That is such a warm and comforting thought. And I've been drawn to it for some time, with no reason whatsoever.
I think that belief in such things, at least for me, is based on the perceived insight into my personality and the possible guidance they may offer. If there's a personality test out there, pass it to me and I'll do it. Horoscopes, Chinese zodiac and the like are all like personality tests in their own ways. They supposedly offer insights into the personalities of the people that fit each profile. Furthermore, they offer road maps that will allegedly help you succeed. Genius!
As one can see from my links, I've put too much stock into these things. But the allure is almost undeniable. From careers to love, the offer blueprints for happiness. But the proposal I know is retarded. There is no chance that I am everything a Capricorn or Rooster represents. My best mate might be an Aries or a Dragon.
The best thing though would be to leave it in God's hands and just live. That possible blueprint is one I'll have to deny from now on
New Year's...uhhhh....Thingamajigs
I hate resolutions. They're so cliche. And always broken.
How bout we go with intentions? Something different cause I like to think that I am uncoventional.
Anyway, 10 days late here they are. And people it's time I did some of these things. So in no order of priority because they all need to get accomplished:
1) Renew faith in God. My spirituality has been seriously waning. There was a point when I could pen a poem for church services without any problem. Now it seems like a tax of my mental capacities. And I feel seriously detached most of the time and that probably is closely correlated with my relationship with the Father. We are moving in the right direction because last week I actually played Christian music for the whole Sabbath day. And thoroughly enjoyed it and got into it. Now I need to actually just make that along with reading the Bible and spiritual books more a part of my daily routine. And prayer. Definitely prayer.
2) Graduate. It's really simple. I started this college opus in September 2006. Children that I used to look upon as darling angels are about to start the same journey. I can't be there relating to them at the same time. Plus, I need to grow up. The things I want to accomplish require a degree. I mean even administrative assistants at non-profits need a BA or something. And I can't not graduate. I'd have to be totally pathetic to pull that off this semester.
3) Driver's License. One of my boys said it quite plain on Sunday. "Get your license!" And it is that siimple. Get the permit. Get some lessons. Do the damn thing. The benefits are endless. Get to sleep more. Get to go places on my own like my independent nature dictates. More options for leisure time activities. Increase ability to help out other people whether it be designated driver or just giving someone a lift.
4) Narrowing down my possibilities. My momma always said that I could do many things very well. It's been somewhat of a curse because I can't decide what that is. So this year we need to work on cutting down that long list. Maybe it is being in a non-profit. Maybe it is being a lawyer for underprivileged children. Maybe it's being the Cingular representative at football games when equipment starts to malfunction. Whatever it may be, we need to start winnowing that list. Indecision is easy. It's the decisions that are hard and it's time I challenged myself.
5) Be selfish about the right things. This ties into the last one. I think I'm a pretty selfless person, especially considering I am an only child. But I'm not selfish in the things that I need to be selfish about. At the end of the day, I find myself spent but I still maintain the same station in life as I keep giving minor boosts to other people. And I am proud for those boosts. But I need to start thinking about boosting myself. Cause this station is tired.
6) $2000 in the bank. I would like to show some financial stability. I already have 300 DVD's and now that I can download, CD's aren't as important. I fill two closets with clothes too. So this year needs to produce some financial responsibility. Pay bills on time. Not be frivolous with cash like I'm Diddy. And have something to show for it at the end so I can take a trip. Or better yet invest.
These are the main ones. If I think of any others, I'll add them later. But this will last forever on the internet. And on January 11, 2007 we'll check off how many I accomplished. Here goes nothing.
Rich in '06. Spiritually. Mentally. Fiscally.
How bout we go with intentions? Something different cause I like to think that I am uncoventional.
Anyway, 10 days late here they are. And people it's time I did some of these things. So in no order of priority because they all need to get accomplished:
1) Renew faith in God. My spirituality has been seriously waning. There was a point when I could pen a poem for church services without any problem. Now it seems like a tax of my mental capacities. And I feel seriously detached most of the time and that probably is closely correlated with my relationship with the Father. We are moving in the right direction because last week I actually played Christian music for the whole Sabbath day. And thoroughly enjoyed it and got into it. Now I need to actually just make that along with reading the Bible and spiritual books more a part of my daily routine. And prayer. Definitely prayer.
2) Graduate. It's really simple. I started this college opus in September 2006. Children that I used to look upon as darling angels are about to start the same journey. I can't be there relating to them at the same time. Plus, I need to grow up. The things I want to accomplish require a degree. I mean even administrative assistants at non-profits need a BA or something. And I can't not graduate. I'd have to be totally pathetic to pull that off this semester.
3) Driver's License. One of my boys said it quite plain on Sunday. "Get your license!" And it is that siimple. Get the permit. Get some lessons. Do the damn thing. The benefits are endless. Get to sleep more. Get to go places on my own like my independent nature dictates. More options for leisure time activities. Increase ability to help out other people whether it be designated driver or just giving someone a lift.
4) Narrowing down my possibilities. My momma always said that I could do many things very well. It's been somewhat of a curse because I can't decide what that is. So this year we need to work on cutting down that long list. Maybe it is being in a non-profit. Maybe it is being a lawyer for underprivileged children. Maybe it's being the Cingular representative at football games when equipment starts to malfunction. Whatever it may be, we need to start winnowing that list. Indecision is easy. It's the decisions that are hard and it's time I challenged myself.
5) Be selfish about the right things. This ties into the last one. I think I'm a pretty selfless person, especially considering I am an only child. But I'm not selfish in the things that I need to be selfish about. At the end of the day, I find myself spent but I still maintain the same station in life as I keep giving minor boosts to other people. And I am proud for those boosts. But I need to start thinking about boosting myself. Cause this station is tired.
6) $2000 in the bank. I would like to show some financial stability. I already have 300 DVD's and now that I can download, CD's aren't as important. I fill two closets with clothes too. So this year needs to produce some financial responsibility. Pay bills on time. Not be frivolous with cash like I'm Diddy. And have something to show for it at the end so I can take a trip. Or better yet invest.
These are the main ones. If I think of any others, I'll add them later. But this will last forever on the internet. And on January 11, 2007 we'll check off how many I accomplished. Here goes nothing.
Rich in '06. Spiritually. Mentally. Fiscally.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Rituals Aren't Necessarily Bad
I hopped out the shower the other day and began to do my after shower ritual. Then I realized I hadn't done this ritual in quite sometime making it's validity as a ritual seriously suspect. Then I thought back a whole lot more. The things I used to do with frightening precision have sadly come to a halt.
There used to be a gym regimen complete with the order of machines I would use. This would be followed by a shower ritual and an after shower ritual. It was so obsessive compulsive I used to get mad if someone rushed me to go to the caf or open their door for them.
Oddly those rituals disappeared. And maybe that's why I am stuck in a rut. Not that the rituals did anything before, but they did help me accomplish things. Maybe if I apply the rituals to things that I really do want to accomplish, then things will happen in my favor. Quite the crazy concept huh?
So before I move on, I actually need to try and schedule things. Okay, now that we've got a method, we actually need to figure out what I want to accomplish.
There used to be a gym regimen complete with the order of machines I would use. This would be followed by a shower ritual and an after shower ritual. It was so obsessive compulsive I used to get mad if someone rushed me to go to the caf or open their door for them.
Oddly those rituals disappeared. And maybe that's why I am stuck in a rut. Not that the rituals did anything before, but they did help me accomplish things. Maybe if I apply the rituals to things that I really do want to accomplish, then things will happen in my favor. Quite the crazy concept huh?
So before I move on, I actually need to try and schedule things. Okay, now that we've got a method, we actually need to figure out what I want to accomplish.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Your Life Doesn't Suck That Much
So me and my co-worker Hippie were having a conversation on our way home about leaving our jobs and we both realized that it would be seriously hard whenever we consider doing such a thing. She said it was hard even though she is not exactly the most favored staff. And she put it in perspective. These kids have been fucked over by pretty much everyone they have had contact with in their lives. Finally they come to trust you and you would be like "Peace out. There's money to be had." It is kind of harsh. I mean eventually you have to do such a thing, unless it's your career. But for the most part, the youth demographic that fulfills most of our workforce has bigger plans (hopefully) then making hourly wages risking their safety for an extended period of time. That's why the turnover rate for staff is so high where I work.
But then look at it. So what your baby left you. Or the crush you have has no idea about how you feel. Or you don't have the job you like or your bills are crushing you. Man you got the power to change that shit around so what the hell do you have to complain about. These kids can't do anything. Even if they somehow buy into what we're selling, which is to make positive changes in their behavior, a lot of the time they get trapped in the system. They got to deal with parents that fail drug tests or the fact that their parents will never be able to manage them, no matter how good they get. Some have to hope against all hope that someone will want to adopt them, which is rare because they're past the age of 10 and they have issues in their past. So stop whining about all the little things.
Do a recap. If you're reading this, you have access to the internet. This means you are most likely in a warm place. And if you're not then you probably could afford a laptop to be reading this in whatever cold place you are in. Which also means you got loot to fill your belly and put clothes on your back and a shelter over your head. When it comes down to it, isn't that all you really need? All the other things you might achieve in life are just wonderful bonuses.
So stop crying. Baby
But then look at it. So what your baby left you. Or the crush you have has no idea about how you feel. Or you don't have the job you like or your bills are crushing you. Man you got the power to change that shit around so what the hell do you have to complain about. These kids can't do anything. Even if they somehow buy into what we're selling, which is to make positive changes in their behavior, a lot of the time they get trapped in the system. They got to deal with parents that fail drug tests or the fact that their parents will never be able to manage them, no matter how good they get. Some have to hope against all hope that someone will want to adopt them, which is rare because they're past the age of 10 and they have issues in their past. So stop whining about all the little things.
Do a recap. If you're reading this, you have access to the internet. This means you are most likely in a warm place. And if you're not then you probably could afford a laptop to be reading this in whatever cold place you are in. Which also means you got loot to fill your belly and put clothes on your back and a shelter over your head. When it comes down to it, isn't that all you really need? All the other things you might achieve in life are just wonderful bonuses.
So stop crying. Baby
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Manic Episode
So since yesterday I have found myself to be in a particularly ebullient mood. Like giddy or something. It's throwing a whole wrench in my self diagnosis of dysthymic disorder. I rapping and singing along with songs. Dancing uncontrollably without the assistance of substances. Inability to sleep since I was up until 5 in the morning for no apparent reason. And I have a tiny appetite. I haven't eaten anything save for a couple of caramel kisses. It's exhilirating and frightening all at once. At least it's better than feeling absolutely helpless
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
The Hardway
Back when I was a good Christian, there was a particular DC Talk song I loved called "The Hardway." For some reason, that song spoke to me, even though I was in the midst of living an upper middle class lifestyle that offered no real hardships. Especially since I was only a tween at the time.
For some reason, I have been attracted to making life harder on myself for some unbeknownst reason. Maybe it was a sermon I heard where problems were presented as some sort of strengthening tool. I realized I had no problems and must some how be weak or something. And since then I seemed to have embraced problems. Even creating them for myself.
As I walked home from the dorm tonight, I realized that it shouldn't be this hard. Why am I walking in the snow when I could easily walk in the plowed road? Why didn't I just tell the hippie chick that I work with where I really live so I wouldn't need to walk at all? Why the hell am I 24 and still without a license so I can fucking drive my own ass home? (Sorry for the curses kids)
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to stop doing this too myself. I'm too talented to waste the gifts I've been given
For some reason, I have been attracted to making life harder on myself for some unbeknownst reason. Maybe it was a sermon I heard where problems were presented as some sort of strengthening tool. I realized I had no problems and must some how be weak or something. And since then I seemed to have embraced problems. Even creating them for myself.
As I walked home from the dorm tonight, I realized that it shouldn't be this hard. Why am I walking in the snow when I could easily walk in the plowed road? Why didn't I just tell the hippie chick that I work with where I really live so I wouldn't need to walk at all? Why the hell am I 24 and still without a license so I can fucking drive my own ass home? (Sorry for the curses kids)
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to stop doing this too myself. I'm too talented to waste the gifts I've been given
Sunday, January 01, 2006
That's Me
On my birthday. I need a cut and shave. I still look good. 24!!! Whooooooooo! Sarcasm is still delicious
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