In Dreams

I've never been one of those types to remember my dreams. The other day, Cinnamon was able to rap off about four random nocturnal narratives from her previous night's sleep. And yesterday, Mocha said he woke up performing the same action in his dream. I never have such an interactive experience. In the rare instances I do recall a dream, they are usually vivid and lush; I remember elements of it like it was the text of a novel.

And to my surprise, something in the shuffle elicited a transcript from last night's REM activity. Once again, everything was very real from the physical elements of the space and the emotional qualities of the whole scene. I was in a church sanctuary, one that resembled my aunt's church. In what seemed like a rehearsal setting, I made an amazing harmony with the person who was singing. I looked back and got acknowledgment from a spectator in the front pew, a figure I identified as one of my aunt's clique dressed in a type of skirt she wore every time I have met her. And it was a feeling off pure joy.

It was telling that my brain chose to replicate something familiar to me. Nothing abstract that I needed to decipher. The same church I adore. The same praise team time that I absolutely dwell in forever. And harmonies so sweet, it makes you stop where you are. Just a soft soothing environment to deliver this message: I have suppressed the fact that I loved being in those types of situations, and that's not limited performing beautiful music. I love feeling like I'm a part of something. It's hard to put my finger on, but that is what I took from my nocturnal narrative. Maybe all the activity over the weekend stimulated my brain to want more. And now its trying to tell me to start getting more of it.

Lately, I actually have been getting the itch to actually live. Even though it's late, I'm glad it's finally coming. Everybody seemed to be worried, and that made them more worried. I'm absolutely mortified at what I have let happen, but one step at a time, I will turn the tables. There is a lot to accomplish, but I know I can do it. And I'm finally starting to accept the fact that it won't be instantaneous. Getting what I deserve will take time. I'm already praying for the patience to add on to that stew of of strength, courage, and wisdom. And I'm also remembering that I do have the ability to express myself in a multitude of ways. I'm really excited about living out all of my dreams.
-----------------------------
In My Ears: Bilal - Make Me Over