Responsibility

Today I ran my first shift since I got my official promotion on Sunday.

I was a tad short of breath as I walked into work today. Some knots were threatening to do damage in my stomach. But I sat there during staff meeting and I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep to the video we were watching.

And from that point on, it was smooth sailing. There were a couple of missteps and oversights but that was just first time jitters I guess. Things went pretty well considering. Only had 1 hold and 5 cool downs and totally quiet after 6 p.m. which is saying something. I know it wasn't me. I luckily had the good fortune of working with very good staff that don't need to be told what to do all the time and take care of their ness. But it was a charge all the same.

And I really liked it. I like being in charge. I guess I've always noticed that I like being influential and being in control, but I've always shied away from the real big kahuna spot. But it was really fun and I wonder why I never tried it before. Maybe I shouldn't be so scared of this real world.

Wonderful

....is He

Funny that right after my mean reds hit me, I found that my favorite kid ever who sadly left my program is doing so fantastic. He's talking to his mom, who actually got all her kids back. And his dad is a pastor somewhere.

It's so great to hear that he's doing so well. Makes me a little glad that I had a bit part to play in him headed in the right direction

The Mean Reds

One of my favorite movies is "Breakfast at Tiffany's". At one point, the lead character explains her sadness by calling them "The Mean Reds." Not the "blues" because those come about because of cloudy days and pass over rather quickly. Mean Reds are more blistering and last longer.

And I fear I am in the middle of the mean reds. In my research for law school applications, I found it daunting how behind I am in the whole process of things. Furthermore, due to the transparency of applications, I have all the missteps of my past to explain, steps I am none to proud of. And it makes me sad because I know I am capable of some awesome things but might be held back because of stupidness I let transpire, results of actions I knew better than to undertake.

It's all too much sometimes. I went to chapel today. But I couldn't focus. I know that I should Let Go and Let God but I have a bad history of letting go and not holding up my end of the bargain and I'm so tired of doing that. Oh I want to run away where I can start over and no one can expect anything of me. I wish I didn't expect so much of myself sometimes. I wish I could just breathe.

Breathe

Breathe

Breathe

Affection

How do we as humans determine affection? It is present from our nascent selves. Babies don't develop as well when they don't get consistent human contact. But how does it become a natural emotional component?

How do we fall in love with some people and not with others? Why do the fortunes of 25 individuals swinging bats and diving for catches cause my heart to race? And why does this affection affect us so? Why can't we live without its presence? Why do we deal with all the pain and heartache? Is the pay off really that great? Is it imprinted in our DNA?

I don't know. I wish I could understand. But I guess some mysteries are destined to remain enigmatic

Moving Day

You know Brother From Another Mother disappeared on me. Or maybe I disappeared from him. Probably a mutual disappearance. He called me a couple weeks ago and left a message. He even saw me on my way to work, but I declined the ride cause I needed the walk to wake up after a long night.

So two nights ago he called me while at work and left a message about needing people to help him move. Sadly I missed the first date cause I got the message late. Lo and behold he called me again to ask if I would help him today. And that's where I just came from.

What to say? What to say? I'm happy to see him growing up. Not that I didn't think he could. It's just that BFAM and I developed a bond over being kind of the same. Gifted, talented, young brothers stuck in the muck and mire of insouciance waiting for the moment where everything coalesced and potential was realized. And thank God that he's pulling out of it, or that he may be out of it. He's married. They're both employed. And they're expecting a little one.

I have such hope now. Because if he did it, I know I can. We both employ a lot of the same logic. The same confusion. But he did it. I know I can too.

Flat Tires & Intuition

I was going to turn in early. I really was.

But damn that text messaging. Damn that Bassline.

"Do you have running shoes on?"
"Presumably I could put them on"
"Cool. I'll be outside in 2"

Even though Bassline and I have been friends for a short period, we are good friends because we speak the same language. Finally once we were on the interstate he told me what we were doing, which was basically escorting his girl/friend back to her parents' house to make sure she got in safe. Rather sweet I guess.

Along the way we busted a tire, and we had to drive her car all the way there after we found some garage in another small town and left his whip there. But it was an unexpected blessing. We chatted. We laughed. I was my usual charming self, inspired by a completely new audience. And then we watched CNN and ate pizza. And I thought me and Bassline are gonna be friends for a really long time. Our ride back only confirmed this sentiment. Between me finishing thoughts he had not yet imagined to him perfectly pointing out my increasing devotion to a certain someone, I felt a bond that I know only God could craft and deliver. Especially considering how many times our paths have crossed, or could have, only to make it happen at this exact time.

Let's just say that on the day of my betrothal, Bassline will be right behind me, order to be determined.

Deuteronomy 11:18

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads."

Luna pointed this verse out to me as possible evidence of an endorsement of jewelry. Personally I've never had a problem with jewelry the way that Adventism seems to. But I wouldn't exactly be rushing my daughters into it either. This verse though does spark some serious thought. If we wear symbolic jewelry does that make it completely okay? And if it does, when do we stop? Are there certain passages we should put over other ones?

The possibilities boggle the mind. I don't think God intended for us to think this much

Rediscovery

Three's Company is great. Especially now that I understand all the sexual innuendo as an adult. Though Ritter's physical comedy is still pretty darn phenomenal. Marathons are also great. This is like the 5th episode in a row.

Man That's Just Messed Up

So turns out there was a minor fracas at my school that procured the arrival of four police cars and the fire department to our miniature campus. My boy/supervisor Latte texted me about the commotion only to call front desk and find that a stabbing had occurred on our miniature campus. Probably over some stupidness as most violence turns out to be. But I am shaking and sure glad that I am in New York right now

Airports

I love the city of New York. I think it offers some of the best things that the world has to offer. But begrudgingly I do admit one serious downfall to our arsenal: Our airports suck.

Yes our metropolitan area is so large that we need not 1 or 2 major airports but 3, not to mention all the mid-majors we have operating. But in my travels, I have noticed that our airport game is not up to snuff. While other airports have fancy trams and immaculate shopping areas, ours just looks slapped together and traveling is a hassle. I mean we still use buses to get between terminals. Kudos to all the visitors to the city who overlook the obstacles of our airports and still venture in to enjoy all we have to offer. If they wanted to get back on a plane and fly home after being in our airport, I would totally understand

People Are So Rebellious

Okay you know when you're in the plane and they start telling you to turn off all your electronic equipment so everybody in the plane doesn't die. Yeah I personally am a fan of the rule. Hard core.

So why was the guy next to me playing on his Blackberry until the flight attendant actually had to pause, ask him to stop, and make sure he did it? Like was whatever you were doing that important to hold up the damn flight? Seriously

What happened to this country? About 10 years ago, cell phones were a novelty. Now they're ubiquitous to regular life. I won't lie. I carry mine around all the time, sometimes to the displeasure of the people I am with (i.e. Coffee Bean). But I know when enough is enough. And I wouldn't die if I didn't have it.

Why are we so preoccupied with time? And if we have all these tools to make the most out of it, why do we seem to be enjoying it less?

I heard a great sermon on Sabbath about how important that day of rest is. Sad people don't really get to enjoy time any more

Sugar Crisp

Okay so me and Luna went to one of her friend's birthday dinner (quite late) and randomly this black waiter comes up and asks our table if he looks like the character from Sugar Crisp cereal.

Umm excuse me sir? What? Oh you misplaced the crazy at our table. Oh it's no problem.

Wow way to jack up your tip by scaring the jolly college students.

Is The World This Small?

So here I am in the banal stretches of wasteland that is Michigan, thinking I know no one but Luna and my dear friend Miss Lady. But as soon as I walk into this worship service, I see one of my old associates in school. She introduces me to her fiance who actually was a housemate of my godbrother when they went to college in Alabama. Then I saw another associate from school who had moved up north to this institution and then she introduced me to her 2-year old daughter.

If you can tell, the unexpected encounters did not cease. By the end I had seen people from church, acquaintances of acquaintances, and old family friends and their too-grown-up children. It amazes me how small the world is. And how much everyone is changing. It's kind of comforting though knowing that no corner of the earth has not been touched by someone that you know.

I Am Typing With One Hand

Was the other one maimed in some freak accident? Did one of my kids bite through one to the point where it has been rendered dysfunctional? Nah. It's just wrapped around Luna. At some point I'll have to let her go, but not yet. This is too comfortable.

I was in 65 degree weather when I woke up. I now inhabit a place that is 31 and presents a slight dusting of snow. But I feel warmer than I felt this morning when I unfurled myself sweaty from too many blankets. And yes she is that special.

Her hair is not frizzy today. It must be cooperating due to my presence. Smart hair.

She is even better in person, and I wonder why I was nervous in the first place. My body knew what it was doing when it took all the steps to make it here and not turn around. Now I have barbecue in my belly, chai charging my chakras, and Luna lifting my spirits. You might not see me here for a while. Know that I am happy in my absence. Now let me use the other hand to hug her properly.

Priorities

If you read the previous post, you would think that I would be asleep right now. After such a long day, what better respite to take then sleep. I should be asleep right now that much is true. I only slept for like 3.5 hours before my double yesterday and I really only did like 6 or 7 before my outing today. So yes I should be asleep. Instead, I speak online and read nonsense. What is up with my priorities?

On Sabbath, in a conversation with Drizzle, she made the comment that she never understood why I gave myself so many decisions. She said I should just pick one and let things fall where they may. And it's true I've always had problems making decisions. And prioritizing. Helping Coffee Bean with her project Sunday night reminded me of this. Coffee Bean's major is nursing and still I was understanding the work from my time working in a hospital and also just cause I was pre-med. And good at it. Then I made some of her tables and it reminded me of the graphic design skill. Then there's writing and I'm not too bad at that either sometimes. At least Luna thinks it's good. And so do a couple of others.

I guess I have always been worried about making the wrong decision. And planning out my time I guess is instrumental. Something else I need to work on and soon because life is evolving and just requires some efficiency around now

Hair Pull

I guess that there is balance in everything. Yesterday joined the pantheon of doubles in my history of working them. And today was honestly so frustrating, I guess because I was so cocky about yesterday.

We have a lot of new staff on my side of the week, and they're all good. Sometimes, they do things that are annoying as all hell. It's hard because I've been there for a while so things that seem natural just aren't yet. And I know I just have to slow down and teach them and all that jazz. But in the midst of it, all that logical thinking is not exactly transpiring. Me and my supervisor Latte were so frustrated. It didn't help that the kids were all being pretty annoying all at the same time. It's one thing when it's one or two, but when they all are sniping at weird tones and simultaneously, the eyes get all big and googly.

It wasn't such a bad day. Like pretty minimal on holds and issues. But 10 o'clock was so deserved today

Best. Sunday. Ever.

I started the day in the Crisis Unit and my charge behaved excellently.

On my walk back I discovered unseasonable warmth and I spoke with Luna.

When I returned I discovered every child more than adequately staffed.

I watched 4 hours of football and my kids didn't have issues.

No holds, no cool downs, no intervention area.

Yeah. Best. Sunday. Ever.

Front end is sooooooooooooo nice.

Thinking Is Wonderful

So I returned to work today to find that I would be heading to the Crisis Unit to sit with one of our boys. The pro in this is that I don't have to worry about waking kids up or getting them to go to breakfast and I get waited on by the lovely staff of another program cause basically I cannot leave my charge. The con is that there is absolutely nothing to do there. The place is stripped bare so as not to entertain any child that is there. The night awakes bring their usual entertainment devices cause they were expecting to need to be entertained. We poor day staff are screwed.

But this time around it was a blessing. There are a couple of magazines and this time there was a copy of "The Atlantic" and it was relatively recent. Thinking that, I would need to stretch out its life, I didn't just skim through it but rather I read every article I touched word for word. And it was so fantastic. I forgot how great it is to think. And it aroused my love of politics and all the issues and minutiae that determine the course of human events. I was seriously tired but as I read it was like my brain was taking a stretch. And it was oh so good.

Cruising With Bassline

So this ninja Bassline bloody disappeared on me the last couple of weeks. I was calling with no return. Then dude goes to Florida to attend a funeral for a week. But you know the true depth of friendships when you see how you interact after an extended absence. And me and Bassline just flow. Which makes this friendship one of the few ones with guys that will be worthwhile to keep.

So he called me Thursday to see how my test went and I found out he was coming to do some business in New York and was returning on Saturday. Naturally I invited myself on the ride to save cash.

And off we went. And awesome it was. Except for the crappy traffic conditions, it was a great time. Caught up on our relationships and just bonded over the general fact that our life's outlook is so similar. (Very important quotes in the CMU catalog: 1) "I am a cipher wrapped in an enigma smothered in secret sauce" - Jimmy James of Newsradio and 2) "I want a girl when I want a girl but when I don't want a girl I want a girl who understands that")

Plus we had great music. Music is so integral to road trips I really don't know how people do without it.

Coupled with my experience with Nitro the other night, friendships are really coming through for me. I always rested upon the fact that as an only child I can keep myself occupied, but I'm realizing more and more how much true interaction with like minded people is for me. I really enjoy and cherish those moments.

Yo

I'm having like 5 simultaneous conversations online right now.

Only one thing is irking me and has always irked me. The incessant use of "lol" by one of the conversants. You do not need to punctuate every statement with something other than a period. You're not laughing. Certainly not out loud. It's indicative from the preceding statement. You're not fooling anyone. Just stop.

Me and Hixican Jew just started typing "ha" when we got annoyed back at Yale.

Stop typing LOL. It might be a new blog

Nitro Noshing

Being home this week put me online a whole lot more, which meant that I talked to people I sometimes wouldn't. One of those people is my girl Nitro, who has been my friend ever since I was dating her then-suitemate Drizzle. Since she's graduated, we've had a mini-tradition meeting up in the city we love and adoring the heck out of it, usually with dinner and sometimes a show.

Some of our adventures are so crazy that we have names for them like "The Two Pen Brunch" (the meal was so unexpectedly exorbitantly priced that Nitro took the two pens that came to sign the bill) and "The Invisible Meal" (lesson: French gourmet is delicious but the portions are quite tiny). And we have a bunch of inside jokes that's developed from them too ("Oh gelatin" or "carbonated molasses"). We have a ball talking about everything from relationships, why people are stupid, my planned senate run, the NFL; you name it and we can probably talk about it.

So for our 14th of these (we counted over dinner), we went to a French restaurant that specializes in cheese preparation, Artisanal. I was skeptical at first. Just cheese? But Nitro is pretty bourgeois and reliable when it comes to food choices so I trusted her and off we went. Wow who knew cheese could be so good? This fondue we had was crazy. They even put some cheese next to the chicken I ordered and that was good too.

Plus the conversation was better. We talked about my upcoming Luna trip and my excitement, Terrell Owens, law futures, and just a whole bunch of random stuff that is important and unimportant at the same time. But I like our little outings. Makes me glad to have a friend like that. Cinnamon wafers for all

What A Day

I've gone from cranky to frustrated to playful to hyper to appreciatively happy.

Oh it's been interesting. But in the end I'm thankful to the Lord for bringing me this far and making me appreciate his love and patience even more. And also for the gift of music.

I've also learned that friendships can be hard at times. I forgot that. I've had a period of happy-go-lucky for a while now and this morning (or rather this whole week) with Coffee Bean was troubling. But friendships are also about respect and adjustment, realizing that the friendship can't always be what one wants. I've accepted it. We move on.

For some reason I sat down and I planned to write more but I think I summed it all up with that.

Couple Things

Superstitions: Yeah the Mets won and very convincingly if I might say so myself.

But as my rebirth into insane fan continues, I've noticed some superstitions. I had to put the Mets visor back on like I did last night. I took a sip from my drink during the break between half innings. I kept blowing warm air into my right hand. And when my dad was standing over me, smacking his gums and picking at his teeth, I silently wished for him to evaporate just so I could have the peace and quiet I existed in before his community meeting ended.

Mets won regardless so I guess it's all good.

Commercials: It's been a while since I've watched regular television (and I don't think I've missed much) but there were some clever commercials tonight. Holiday Inn with like the silly business guys commenting on a presenters no flinch on a coffee spill and calling him a prize fighter. The extended Burger King commercial where they go through French words. The Cingular commercial where he calls his girl and the call drops right when he asks if he's the only dude. And I think that's it. If I were more proactive I might have found the YouTube links. You find them. I mean it's not like you're doing anything else if you're reading this blog.

The Barbershop

Since I was a child, I was aware of the unique culture of the urban barbershop. Ever since my father took me to the closest barbershop that cut my type of hair (read: nappy) I've always had a sense of not belonging. It's funny that I felt this so young. I now know it's more a relationship between me and my blackness and the barbershop (or hair salon for the ladies) is one of the defining features of black culture in America.

Maybe it's because it relates to appearance, which is one of the few things that Black people are consistently proud of. Maybe it's because such a wide range of figures come through that one spot. The only other place that offers a comparable range is church and that's fraught with a lot of spoken and unspoken restrictions. The barbershop, just like the movie, is like a social center. Opinions discussed. Deals made. Even though I'm not the most comfortable, it's one of the trips I look forward to the most.

Today was no different. Sit down and just soak it in. As my own barber stopped at least 5 times to politic, whether live, or on his phone, you get an idea of survival. I know I'm probably making it more grandiose than it is but I really learn a lot about how people live sans college degree, amazing entertainment talent, trust fund, or superlative athletic ability. Take my barber Izzy for example. In previous conversations, I've learned that he tries to manage singers and producers. And many come through trying to hook things up. Another barber promotes parties. And I'm sure each of them has some (or many) side hustles. But their moxie is inspiring, just for the fact that I don't understand it yet they keep coming through.

Makes me think about how they accomplish so much with the little they got and I'm sitting pretty and letting it all slide. A change is in order. Sounds like a movie waiting to happen

What The F*&#?

(Warning: Explicit language follows. Ignorant people really incite me)

So I finally rouse myself from my house and am heading to the barbershop. The barbershop voyage does take me through public housing (projects, y'all). I just happen to look up and what do I see poling out of someone's window. A DirecTV satellite.

Double take. Yep that's a satellite peeking through the iron bars of the projects.

What the fuck?!?!?!? Seriously.
I was visibly shaking my head.

Did the thought ever occur to whoever the owner is that possibly the money spent on the satellite and the ensuing monthly bill might be better appropriated? Like food or clothes or moving the hell out of the bloody ghetto?

When will these people realize that their station in life is not completely due to institutionalized obstacles? Yes they exist but man you got to put in some work too. Auuuuuuuuuughhhh.

I just want to go in there and smack the shit out of them sometimes. Or at least the satellite owner.

Some Not So Nice Things About NYC

Yeah I just left an awesome reading series called Varsity Letters themed on sports. (The link about Clever Writing in Sports to your right is where I heard of it) But I was in the Lower East Side and I realized some things about the city.

It has some super peculiar and not so nice smells.

Okay so that was one thing but I still think it's paradise.

Okay not paradise but it's pretty darn fantastic.

Jam On

New York is known for the banging music coming from cars. It's kind of our hallmark. I know it's summer when I hear the first tunes loudly blaring 3 blocks from where I walk. So in the midst of our minor heat wave, it really isn't surprising to hear loud ass music. But today, someone had a blaring sax solo and I thought I was out my mind.

But wait. Wait. I know those notes. No it couldn't be.

Whitney Houston? I Will Always Love You?!?!?!?

I peer into see who is blaring such a bold choice of tune instead of the hip-hop and reggaeton that I am more accustomed to hearing faraway.

Yes. Soccer dad. Bumping the hell out of that primo Subaru Outback sound system.

I look forward to being that guy

Mets Win! Mets Win!

So I watched the Mets game today that I sadly thought I would attend in person. And I realized how insane fan I get. Here I am in the middle of my living room, half naked, talking to myself and riding on every pitch. Being in Massachusetts, I get my share of questions being a New Yorker about my loyalty to New York sports teams. For the most part, I'm mostly indifferent. I mean I enjoy sports but growing up, New York teams were mostly lackluster. I grew up being more attached to personalities then teams.

So there was Magic Johnson (my dad called me at school to tell me about the HIV. I cried in my cereal the next morning). And Emmitt Smith. And Frank Thomas. And Alonzo Mourning. I was kind of a Yankee fan when I went to school in the Bronx and they ripped off their late 90s run. And I did go to the Rangers parade and watched that whole series cause I really liked Brian Leetch. But the Mets were always there in my mind. I cringed during the no name years when Todd Hundley and Benny Agbayani were the heroes. And I leaped out of my skin when Robin Ventura hit his grand slam single against the Braves.

So starting last year or actually the year they got Kaz, I subconsciously decided that I would hop back on the bandwagon. I'm glad I beat the rush. Here I am screaming at the TV because Mota bloody pitched the same damn changeup that Nomaaaaaah was waiting for. Cursing Billy Wagner and yelling and the fans at Shea for not showing the appropriate enthusiasm and support. So forever I will be a Mets fan.

From this point on, I pledge to be a Mets fan. Wherever I live, I will baptize my children in the waters of Flushing Corona Park. I will learn the intricacies of the minor league system and hope for the draft waters to turn up promising prospect after promising prospect. I wish they didn't wear blue and orange, but my blood will bleed those colors (though I will be wearing the black and orange as often as possible)

LONG LIVE THE METS

You Know What's Good

Jamaican whole wheat bread
Lightly toasted
With Butter

Delicious

Check One

Yeah I feel really good about how I look today. And I ain't even got my planned haircut and I still need to bathe myself. Yessir I feel good. For some reason I want another tattoo really hard. We'll see.

More Random Thoughts

MS1 is in the 99th percentile of people in the world. Point blank. Period

Luna should not quit music (completely)

Yeah so Addams Family Values was on the TV as Dad slept. I know he woke up to use the bathroom. But really when did he have the time to change to Shaft cause now he's back asleep.

Did I ever tell you the kids at work christened me Commander Shaft with no allusions to its many connotations?

Venom is only good in spurts. I find it doesn't suit me. Helping hands and loving hearts fit me much better.

Would men be cleaner if we had to wash our intimate apparel with the same care as women take with their own?

Bye for now

Random Thoughts

Shouts to Coffee Bean who made a concerted effort to call me (that's phone card minutes kid) to see how I did on my test

People who do MySpace bulletins every time they change their page need lives

Your mother is on crack rock and I think she gave me some cause I am hyper as a mutha up in here

MS1 (fka as Lady Godiva) is fantastic. I miss her and wonder how she is really considering staying away from me for another six months

Today I saw a father walking his son to school. It was darling. Problem though. Daddy had his pant legs a little high. And the son had his high too. Now forever he'll think high pants are fashionably acceptable. Hopefully a woman will come around to correct him in time.

Do you know that 7 x7 = 49 or that 8 x 8 = 64?

Okay I really have nothing more to say. I guess I'll find some music to download

Music Makes Me Happy

I just dropped like 20 postings on my new blog. You should check it out.

Smart Playlist

Life's Mantra

They can't stop me, naw they can't stop me
They keep playing', keep sayin' I'm cocky
They keep tryin' but too tired to top me
Their best bet is to fall back and watch me

Yeah that sums it up. Thanks Little Brother.

Losing Sanity All Together (Or Me & 19 Jews)

Last night I was trying my hardest to stay awake. I didn't want to succumb to some crazy LSAT control over my habits. But even though I had six simultaneous IM conversations going on and I ate at 10:30 and was trying to watch Monday Night Football, my body wouldn't let me stay up. So by 11 I was in bed for the first time since I can't remember.

I think I woke up at 6:30 and never really went back to sleep. I finally arose from bed at around 7:30, threw some clothes on, jammed to some Game Theory and moseyed on out the door. I had already planned to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge to the test site to burn off nervous energy. What was so disconcerting was that I had no nervous energy to speak of. No rumblings in the stomach. No myriad of unrelated or related thoughts. Absolute blankness. I did not like it at all.

Just as I was coming to the end of the bridge, I started to think about my kids at work and all of a sudden I found myself in a silent scream of frustration at nothing. My nervous energy had arrived. I found my way to the testing room and pulled out my phone to turn it off when I realized I had a supportive message from Banana. It eased my mind. I replied back and then turned off the phone.

Surveying the surroundings I was surprised at my location. The first time I took the test, it was in a huge amphitheater with every Jew in Brooklyn. This day, it seemed I was the last one, the only black one, and it was just a regular classroom, occupancy capped out at 50. So nervous energy dissolving but now it's 8:40. 8:50. Umm excuse me, y'all said we had to be here no later than 8:30. What gives?

Finally the proctor comes in saying that they are trying to get the tests and that there was some trouble with the city transit so we'll be starting shortly. I walk around the corridors, reminding myself what a real college looks like. I come back, and turn the chair in front of me. Totally relaxed. I feel bad because as the minutes wane on, all my Jewish friends grow more anxious. They speak of their upcoming theses and plans for the future, but you can hear the tension in their voice. The thought of Can we just start the test permeates every word they speak, even "the." But I did some extra praying.

And I got so loose that I was thinking ahead to how funny this blog was going to be. Like I was going to talk about how Jewish I was from my name (Hebrew) to my beard. I even make corny jokes, enjoy baseball, and love a fresh smattering of lox (smoked salmon guys). I used to joke with my mom that I was going to be a Jewish All-Star (Lawyer-Doctor-Rabbi). I know it's racist or something but man, I was clever.

So finally Michael (best proctor ever) introduces himself, makes jokes, just puts everyone at ease. Tests are handed out. Bubbles are darkened. Pray one more time. And here we go.

And honestly the first half of the test I was good. I was taking my time. Like I could feel myself taking my time and I felt good. The break came after section three and this time my corridor walk was even more relaxed. I did stretches. Bounced around. Good times.

So the second half. I'm still zoning from before when wait up. No that's not the answer because I has to go before K. Or does it? So I actually go back and change/almost change 3 answers. It's okay cause I know that they're right but I still lost time. These are logic games and my problem is that I always get too immersed in figuring out every possibility. Basically psyching myself out. So I'm a bit flustered but I soldier on. Haven't even started the last part of the section when he says "5 minutes." So now it's double time. And the answers were coming quicker. Until the last two questions. "Pencils down."

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the next section starts like right away but I'm still flustered over the misstep. And this section definitely counts while the last one might have been the experimental section they slip in every test. But I fail to realize that at that point and I am totally spacing. So for the first ocuple of questions, I'm freaking cause I'm getting like 3 answers in a row that are the same letter. Everything is just throwing me off. But I think I recovered. I hope I did.

I wrote rap lyrics after my section of the writing sample. And I left. And I turned my phone on and I had a supportive message pre-test from Luna and great news about my living situation by Banana. So I couldn't dwell on it too much. Plus the sun was shining and the people of New York are so damned beautiful I couldn't help but be chill.

So what's the aftermath? I haven't had a chance to make more of a deal about the possible negatives and I don't think I will. They were answers here or there. And I always have the 165 and most of the schools I've researched say they take the higher score. But we're not even getting that far. I'm more worried about relieving the neck pain I accumulated.

At least it's over. Law school applications here we come.

Last Days of Summer

Yes summer technically ended about 10 days ago, but in the city of New York, when have calendars ever been faithfully followed save for the ball drop on 12/31.

On the van ride today, I really had a reacquaintance with the city because people seemed to live on corners of the Bronx I was unaware existed. But I didn't mind it so much. My legs weren't really cramped. I didn't have to use the bathroom. Plus I got to people watch a whole lot of people I probably wouldn't have seen.

But surveying the city was like seeing a multitude of movie scenes unfold before my eyes. There was the stop where about 20 children of varying shades of brown shimmied the little that had been bestowed in their short time on Earth to a mixtape of some sort. And they all sang the refrains perfectly timed in their Kidz Bop voices. It was nice to just see people walk around as they enjoyed the last vestiges of warmth before the sun disappears for 3-4 months. Was that really a 8 and 6 year old walking around sans parents? And why am I okay with that for some strange reason?

The city is alive. I'm not sure why everyone is so scared of the place. Law & Order and CSI: NY must have skewed people's perceptions. Walking through Brooklyn Heights is like walking through an all-American neighborhood. Children dance. Teens sit on stoops. Adults excahange smiles. Our difference is that you can get bagel and lox at 3 in the morning and a breathtaking view of the skyline is at our doorstep. And our residents dress better. Other than that, no real difference.

I love being home

If You Had 24 Hours To Live

That probably would be a good blog title for a later date but that's how the creativity is flowing this morning so deal with it.

I'm sadly beginning to believe that this whole LSAT score is an excellent predictor of how you'll do if you take it again cause I can't get past this breaking point. In one way it's comforting. Even with all the miscues and things in between my taking of the test I haven't got more stupid. But it also means that I haven't got smarter either, not naturally and not with better study habits.

I won't let it get me down though. I still believe that I will own the test. I did make it the first thing I did when I woke up. Like literally no teeth brushing. Just rise, set timer, and go. So we'll see. And regardless, I'll be in New York for a week so who am I to complain. Although the Mets game seemed to be too good to be true. Seems they're for the championship series, if they get that far. Arrrrgh

Happy thoughts though. Happy thoughts.

John 14:13-14