Babies Don't Have To Happen

Believe me I'm glad when they do. I am a big baby lover. I'm concerned enough about children's welfare that some wonder if I'm a social worker. But my momma was one once and I am too disturbed by the system to ever consider that as a lifelong career field. But I'm pretty sure some of her caring nature bubbled over and dripped on my soul and now I care about babies a lot.

And of course, like most, I would like babies to be born in the most ideal situations possible. Loving household with sufficient economic resources and all that wonderful stuff that decreases the chances of a deviant social being. But I'm a realist too and I realize that all babies can't be born in such idyllic situations. But it amazes me how many are born in not-so-great situations that can be prevented.

This is all spurred by a conversation with the Princess Bride (I've been drafted as a wedding consultant. I'm sure I'll talk more about this later. Something else I got from my momma.) regarding a person we both know who used to go to our school. He got his girlfriend pregnant. And less than eight months after the arrival of the first one - where a permanent breakup transpired - he knocked her up with the second one. Me and Princess both couldn't understand how you let that happen. First one, you get the pass. Too passionate and didn't slip on the jimmy hat. But the second one, especially since you already have contempt for baby mama's parenting skills, you run to the store for the rubber or fashion one out of your tires if the sex is that necessary.

And then you have all those wonderful birth control options. Did you know that some birth control options will only cost you like $1 a day? That's amazing. Now that the new one Seasonale has come out that let's you have four periods a year (that's right girls: only FOUR), why aren't we pushing this much harder? Nymphomaniacs and frustrated boyfriends rejoice greatly! Mothers and fathers who think they're too young to be grandparents: Stop acknowledging your children's budding sexuality and just spring for the shit already.

Is it possible that we could get the scientists working on cutting the carbs in Coke and excising as much fat off a beef pattie on a Foreman grill working on a condom that really enhances intercourse? Or at least no more than a 10% drop off? I mean we got Star Wars missile defense, can't we develop something that stops the most dangerous of missiles while letting the joy come in? People it can happen. I believe.

And we honestly talk to the kids too instead of being in constant denial? Kids got cell phones and computers so you can't have them on surveillance like back in the day. As friends with benefits proliferates among the high school generation, you just gotta get over yourself and realize your baby might be bringing home a baby if you're not careful. And why not some money for education and better health care for the poor. Il Dubya could solve two problems with one if he let the kids know that they could have birth control pills for a $1 a day. I know a bunch of teens that would take that job at McDonald's to pay for the damn things. Poor working + Poor not producing more poor for the time being. Isn't that what he wants?

Since I'm running for Miss America this year, I've decided this will be my platform. Generations keep coming closer and closer together and 30 year old grandparents just aren't as cool as the 60 year old ones.