When Being On Hold Is Okay

it's rae for me to go for 24 hours without even looking at my e-mail, but due to my extended day out yesterday, that is what happened. So after my parents ambled off to church, I thought I would do a quick check before I got ready myself.

As I opened GMail, one of the more recent messages was from Northwestern Law. I thought it was some message reminding me about some element of my application that I overlooked or some fee due. Wrong. "The admissions committee has completed its review of your application." Wait a minute. Y'all doing this stuff by e-0mail now. I was expecting the envelope, thin or large, in the mail. And so soon. I swear that everything just got complete like last week.

We're at a crossroads here. Open up the address where my decision lies and possibly have Jesus stolen away from me on the Sabbath. Know that it's there, leave it, and get ready like I planned. Now this would have been the sensible thing to do. GOd can take care of stuff. The e-mail would still be there. Even if I checked it after church at least church would have been in my system to help me weather any blow. I rose. I sat. I rose. I sat.

Damn impulses had me click the button. But I needed to find my applicant number, which required a search through older e-mail. FInally Last name punched in. First name punched in. Social in. LSAC number in. Applicant ID number in. And the PDF says.....

"On Hold."

Now for some that's an anti-climactic moment. For me, tears of relief and joy. Why? Well friends, my academic career throws up more question marks than affirmations. Truly, the most attractive part of my application is that I scored in the 90th percentile of the LSAT and black people don't do that too often. But of course that does not make the whole case. So considering how crappy my resume may look, Northwestern still said this guy might be worth a shot. ANd in no way am I under the assumption that I will eventually be offered admittance. Wait list is nowhere near sure. But if the #12 school in the country thought I was worth a look, it makes me feel good. And they all could still reject me (Update: When I came home to Massachusetts. William & Mary went the conventional way and sent me one of those thin envelopes) but there is a weird sense of peace around the whole ordeal.

I keep telling myself, and others, that they could all reject me but that I would move on. And I think I honestly believed it. But in the midst of believing there were unattended scraps of worry that I put under the carpet of my soul and they bothered me more than I realized. That would explain the tears. But God has kept me and keeps on keeping me. I've already played Mary Mary (Thank You) and Hezekiah Walker (Faithful Is Our God) at least three times each.

That mustard seed faith is hard at times but when it comes through, it does with a vengeance