The Day The Boy In Me Died

Today I woke up and I so did not want to leave bed. It might have had something to do with the fact that I went to sleep at 4 in the morning but hey. When I finally did wake up I was talking to Lady Godiva online when my phone rang with my mom calling to remind me to pick up my Dad at his doctor's appointment. I hoped she was calling to say she would do it but I was not so lucky. Or maybe I was lucky.

As I went to pick him up, I found myself not going googly eyed over the displays of flesh in the city. I took particular note of this because it was troubling. I am a big fan of flesh, especially the legs (or gams as I prefer) that are on prominent display so for me not to even like get whiplash over the many that I noticed or even obsess over the visions I did get was kind of offputting.

So dad was high after his procedure and he was talking like his head was up his ass which he made note several times that the doctors didn't find it there. Amidst a white receptionist who kept bringing up a bad Jamaican accent and mentioning the entire unique Jamaican cuisine, there I was thinking about how they linked diabetes with Alzheimers and I wondered if this was a glimpse to my future. Then I treated him to breakfast where I had to repeat myself every time I spoke due to my low voice and his bad hearing. We came home after weird small talk and watched golf.

I found out someone born in the same year as me is willingly having a baby after being married for like six months. I'm happy as all hell but also discombobulated too. Cat born in the same year as me, who I partied with, is bringing forth child. It's tripping me out.

But I jetted onto the street and did my New Yorker thing to a T. Hit up Century 21, hopped back on a train, and got into my movie literally as the credits had started. I was quite pleased with myself and wondered if that was God's way of telling me to return to the city. (A Scanner Darkly: Amazing visuals, awesome acting, crazy story. All in all a good flick)

I went home just as the Lord opened the heavens. I showered and went to the post office to pick up something. Then I decided to see if this show was going to happen. As I went to the Brooklyn Bridge Park, I just walked out to the railing in the midst of the thunderstorm and just looked out for like 20 minutes in the rain. I had this weird feeling that I wished I was in the water. I don't know why.

As I walked back contemplating how I would turn my maudlin day into a story or something creative, it all hit me. Today was the 21st. A day I swear more and more the Lord will always be giving me something extra special. When I got home I was restless and decided I would search for a calling card to call Lady Godiva and get some ice cream. In my travails, I went from the ghetto to the hipsters to the aristocrats. And at the end of it, like a movie, there was the sun greeting me at the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. It was so beautiful I wanted to cry. It was like God put the sun on its own coaster of clouds. And funny enough the rain stopped then too.

I went and got my ice cream and then I came home. Funny how this is turning out to be not as depressing as I hoped it would be when I first thought I would write this post. Worship was quite the blessing. I got to extrapolate my favorite verse (Romans 12:12) and found more than I realized was there. Mom dropped some more genius on me. I really can't complain about life.

I've discovered I'm a lot more paranoid than I'd like to be. When objects move in my periphery I get startled. Sometimes I imagine things moving. I think. I have no idea where I'll be working in a month. I have oodles of baby names and love but I wonder if I'll ever get to use it. But I feel today was a turning point. I feel like growing up. I didn't stick it out in the rain like the young fan I would have been last week just to see a performance I really didn't care about. I really am sad I called out of work on Wednesday. I miss my boys. I don't know what this post is anymore. Thank God it's Sabbath. Help me Lord to put myself together. This is almost unbearable