Gnarls Barkley/Spank Rock

As I am not as familiar with the particular artists I'm seeing tonight, I decided to keep a running journal of tonight's festivities.

8:00: Doors open and the Dynamic Duo (Boy Wonder & the Dark Knight) are in. After a brief detour, we hurriedly make our way to the front. I didn't want to say this but Boy Wonder did a half skip half run thing. Holy Hot Music Batman!

8:20: We remembered how long these things actually take to start and decide to sit. Smart move.

8:43: This sitting arrangement is advantageous. Right now as I check out the demographics, it is a majority white audience, as any progressively good music event would be. Surprisingly it looks as though it is not just Complex readers. There are more than a few guys who look like they came straight from their analyst jobs at Solomon Smith barney. I'm glad to see them enjoying their obscene bonuses before being called back to work at 7:45 in the morning. Kudos.

9:02: My butt hurts. Plus this vivacious young lady to my left threatens to hit me with her posterior everyt ime there's a surge in her conversation. Plus Spank Rock is supposed to rock now. Time to stand up.

9:04: White kid in a track suit says they're gonna play some records before the show. Afrobeat fills the room. Audience mostly unimpressed.

9:07: Transition to more bass heavy stuff. Right now there are two scruffy white kids behind three turntables while Track Suit is playing on an iBook, dangerously toeing the line between exuberance and epilepsy.

9:10: These guys seem uninterested in the crowd, like they're still practicing in their dorm room.

9:12: Miles Blackman, i mean Spank Rock, comes out of nowhere. Mad energy. I am now a convert.

9:13: Track Suit is now a hype man. Who knew B-More was so live?

9:18: This guy is like Napolean Dynamite crossed with James Brown. Quite the showman.

9:21: The rager in the dorm room continues as the bearded scruffy DJ (BSDJ) takes a midsong break to sip his Jack & Coke. Miles is popping shoulders like he's at a block party at the rucker in July.

9:25: Some Lisa Loeb lookalike is their biggest fan. How do I know? She almost smacked me in the midst of her dancing but there are like 3 people between us.

9:26: The grandson of the old guy from Arrested Development just came out on the bongoswith the backpacker version of backup dancers. One's got dreads and the other is portly with a mohawk, accesorized by a multicolor scarf. Interesting to say the least.

9:27: The bongo guy just induced Miles (I prefer this name; seems more appropriate) to a shrivelling mess on the floor. The dancers have shed their respective blazers and are in the midst of the Beyonce Booty Shake, booties bouncing towards the crowd. Miles now chants "My ____ girls shake it till my d#$% turns racist" substituting American census designations to make sure no ethnicity is overlooked.

9:30: This guitar driven song is crazy. Dancers take a break to converse and then leave. Miles is doing obscene movements in front of the Dynamic Duo. I wonder if Boy Wonder's homosexual suspicions (he claims he saw a rainbow bandanna) have any weight.

9:33: Dancers come back for African style dance off. Miles comes back, lights a dutch, which somehow makes it to the crowd once Portly is done with it. Yes I am stunned.

9:35: Dancing, bongos, and scratching continue. I don't know about everyone else but I think I'm falling hard for Spank Rock.

9:40: On further inspection, it is apparent that Lisa Loeb has no scheme for rhythm. Another potential beneficiary of my nonprofit The 4/4 Foundation for the Rhythmically Challenged.

9:41: Spank announces the end and the slim dancer dances off untilthe lights fade. Thoroughly enjoyable. A -

9:45: The house DJs obviously don't read The Village Voice cause they're playing bad rock music more apt for baseball parks and beer commercials.

9:49: With Spank disappearing, let's take a gander at the Gnarls setup. There's a drum kit, an amp, three mics for backup singers, 1 mic for Cee-Lo, 4 music stands and 4 chairs, probably for a string section, a Rhodes, and a Moog. Plus the bass and guitar are being checked. My expectations just went up that much more. Maybe that's why they're only doing like 7 concerts total. Yay for us!

9:52: Am I excited or is it the amazing bass of the sound system that has my leg twitching? 70/30 to the former methinks.

10:05: Surveying the crowd, it is quite genuinely packed and sold out as advertised. The are also restless and hungry. I just rolled up my sleeves because of the heat. Also it's preparation to slug the drunk idiot continually screaming in my ear for Gnarls to come out.

10:06: I just had Boy Wonder get me ice for my knuckles. Dude's jaw was hard. (Disclaimer: Joke. In no way does Adam Anthony Scott Carnegie condone violence. Usually)

10:12: Alright guys. There's fashionably late and inconsiderate/annoying. We're about to cross that line.

10:17: The house DJ is teasing. Crap Rock got turned down but not all the way. Is this what they call fever pitch cause we're on the verge of a revolt. They can't complain about the audience this evening.

10:18: House lights down. Get ready.

10:19: Some dude that looks like that annoying comedian Ray Cash comes out and says Gnarls ain't performing, but a cover band named Brushfire will take it's place. Band members proceed to come out in bad wigs and 80s era too tight spandex and boots. Cee & Danger Mouse enter in the same garb. No homo but it is apparent that Cee has a bottle in his pants along with the fifth of Jack he brought with him. "Go Go Gadget" is first up.

10:27: Cee, or Brushfire's lead singer, talks to the crowd and moves into "Who Cares"

10:30: After talks of tours with Foreigner & Journey, moves into a scarier representation of "Boogie Monster". Danger is mucho focused on that Rhodes.

10:34: As rivulets of sweat come down Cee he finally decides to take off his wig and they easily move into a rousing rendition of "Just A Thought"

10:35: I should have slugged that guy before he started singing along, off-key.

10:38: I must say that this is one of the few concerts I've been to where I am not disappointed in the crowd's energy. Heads are continually banging. Hands are consistently up. Hips are actually shaking in rhythmic form. A + to the crowd.

10:39: Cee-Lo takes his sunglasses off to reveal his menacing eyes and there into "St. Elsewhere"

10:42: Cee-Lo's preacher son roots are becoming evident cause we having chuuuuuuuch.

10:43: "Gone Daddy Gone" is rocking it and the floor is genuinely shaking. Its like a Church of God in Christ up in here. Cee just pulled a tambourine out of nowhere. Amen Amen!!!

10:45: Invocations to dance are met with compliance as they go into "Last Time"

10:50: Cee asks for dimmed lights for "Necromancer". He also asks for some greenery.

10:51: Performing is obviously cathartic for Cee-Lo. He's got this crazed look like an Egyptian priest from Pharoah days about to offer a sacrifice.

10:52: Cee takes his first swig of the Jack he brought with himand throws his cape out to the crowd. Somebody actually helped him out with his earlier request as a spliff lands on the stage. I feel like he's a guy that would live down the hall from me in my apartment building. "Smiley Faces" (my personal favorite) gets everything to another level. It looks like American Bandstand up in this piece.

10:54: Special more intimate version of "Transformer" Slowed down. I feel as though this would be the soundtrack to some heroin scene in an independent movie.

10:56: Cee talks to the band and "Crazy" commences. Crowd sings along rather well which is good for the drunk idiot behind me.

11:00: That's all folks. The crowd does not believe and their incessant applause invokes a return.

11:01: Cee shouts out Diddy, T.I. and Lyor Cohen before moving into a very Hendriz styled rendition of "Storm Coming". Quite hazy.

I feel 10 pounds lighter. And I feel extra sorry that I haven't listened to that album even more. That was the best show I've seen in a good long time, like Friday night. But still A + for Gnarls Barkley. Good music lives on.