The 21st

On April 21st, I was the cause of a fire that burned a hole in my home and left three families displaced.

On May 21st, I was shaken again by the Lord to the point where I basically stripped my clothes and bowed down on the floor and asked for mercy and peace.

What is it about the 21st? If we draw it out, 7 is one of the perfect numbers in the Bible. Multiply it by 3 in the Trinity and you have 21. 21 is seen as a lucky number by those that believe in superstition and the god that is blackjack. But from now on that number will mean more than any other. More than any birthday or anniversary. It means so much.

I woke up restless repeatedly today. I prayed to God to let me sleep and it just wouldn't happen. But I prayed and I prayed just like it says in that Good Book and though the change wasn't as quick as I had hoped, it surely happened. And the blessings were even more than I could have asked.

I started off shaky but I went to see my father in the hospital. The Lord has answered our prayers and his pressure is down to healthy levels. Praise Him. But the real blessing was the conversation we had. I must say that it was the most honest and heartfelt conversation we had in our history. We expressed love and disappointment and everything. I realized that as much as we have butted heads, we truly are on the same page. We just have different ways of expressing it.

I then went to see a movie. This was pre-planned because of my aforementioned shakiness. I felt I needed a diversion. I hoped to find a comedy, but found nothing to my suiting. I did go to see a movie, "Water", that was on my to-see list. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was. Centering on a widows' home in Gandhi-era India, it follows two widows. One is shunned in the camp for not shaving her hair. She is pimped to neighboring brahmins and her efforts keep the home surviving. The other is a widow who is only 7, who doesn't really understand what is going on. She is just a child and acts as such. But her idealism and innonence help open up the eyes of another widow. In the end it is this 7 year old who is sent to the brahmins but after one episode, she is delivered to the liberal Gandhi sympathizer who hoped to marry the shunned widow. I won't tell everything, though I've already spoiled it, but it was so moving. I honestly tried to hold back my tears but my body would not cooperate.

Mainly it put things in perspective. It was another example of what love really is. What dedication true care really means.

I won't lie. I feel broken. But at the same time I feel as close to completion than I ever felt. I've been coasting for so long in this state of contentedness and emptiness. But now I see the light. I pray that God continues to shake me up, brake me down, and mold me into the man he wants me to be with love, wisdom, peace, patience, faith, and joy. Please Lord make me into that man.