Melanin Is So Overrated

I grew up in New York City, arguably the most diverse city in the world. Even in the city, it is possible to stick with one’s own group and live an insular and myopic life devoid of exposure to the depths of the people around you. Which is why I am so proud of the way I was brought up.

I’ve gone to a predominantly West Indian church my whole life and attend its elementary school. But my preschool years and summers were spent in institutions in my own neighborhood, which is still predominantly white. In addition, my mom made sure to expose me to the many cultural aspects of life. This came in handy when I went to high school, where the students were 40 % white, 40 % Asian, and 20 % minority.

Now I say all this as background to the fact that I am attracted to all different types of women. While I am more drawn to qualities usually attributed to minority women – i.e. thickness, skin tone – but I’m not exclusive in that regard either. So it alarms me when some of the people I’m close to threaten to cut off ties with me if I end up with a white woman.

Initially, it was just Posh, my ex-girlfriend. She discovered her blackness and has been on a whole “Black is Beautiful” thing for a while. I could easily dismiss that. But my newfound Brother From Another Mother (BFAM) alerted me that he would cut me loose if such an event occurred. After some goading, he finally said he would accept her but still, his initial comments were striking nonetheless.

His reasoning was that I was one of the most “conscious” cats and to do something like that would be illogical. I admit that I am more attuned to the “struggle” and plight of black people than the average citizen. I’ve been forced to because of my complexion. But it doesn’t define me. I want to be seen for more than just my blackness. It is just one facet amongst many that makes me me.

I embrace my heritage. I appreciate the sacrifices that my ancestors took on my behalf just so I could experience writing this insignificant blog. But my interests and dreams aren’t shaped by that. If I find my soul mate in a country girl from Iowa, how could I inflict the pain of not being with her cause she’s more prone to sunburn?

I realize the caveats of miscegenation. To this day, people second guess and give questioning glares. The children of said unions grow up with the chance of a misplaced identity. But these can be overcome. Isn’t true love supposed to conquer all?

I’m not ardent trying to toss my personal sphere on its ear, but if that’s the path that’s presented to me, please believe everybody better get ready.