My Very Own Personal

Many people that I meet that I get into deeper relationships with often say that they really cannot figure me out. They still mess around with me I assume because I am worthwhile enough that the enigmatic nature of my personality is not too much of a detriment to their dealings with me. So to you dear reader, I thought I would fill out a personal form so that you would get to know me a little better. The form is from the lovely people at Nerve who made a personal form that I believe is now in use at a bunch of places. As you’ll see, the questions aren’t your run of the mill “built black boy seeks bodacious blonde babe who likes basketball” type. Instead, they are actually provocative. If you’re bored, I recommend running through the personals. If anything you’ll at least get some cool books to read and you might be amused along the way. Anyway, here’s what mine would look like, kind of.

Profile Name: Details
Headline: Because I care about minutiae (not just cause it’s a cool word)
I am interested in: Friendship, Dating, Serious Relationship (Or all the things that lead to babies)
I am a: Man (according to the birth certificate)
Seeking a: Woman
My relationship status: In a relationship
Someone between: 18 – 29
My occupation: Student Emeritus
City (Nay, Rural Township): South Lancaster
State: Massachusetts (Although I regularly visit Confusion and Delusion)
Country: Toby Keith’s America
Postal Code: Wait there’s a code for when you go insane?
Area code: Southeast, Southwest, South
Looking within: The World (The Crown Prince of Denmark just married an Australian. Why limit? I probably crossed paths with her already and who knows where the hell she may go.)

Education: Some College (With more on the way)
Ethnicity: Cocksure yet self-hating African American
Religion: Christian/Protestant (Seventh-Day Adventist, though those Eastern religions make more and more sense)
Star Sign: Capricorn the Stubborn Goat
Have Children?: Nope
Want Children?: They’ve already been named

Height: 6’3” when I don’t slouch
Weight: Somewhere b/w 195 – 205
Hair Color: Dark Brown with a Gray Patch
Eye Color: Brown

Cigarettes: Nope
Drinking: I can finally say never
Drugs: It’s been a while
Self-Depreciation: Favorite activity next to developing my freestyle skills
Self-love: Whenever I’m not self-depreciating

Last great book I read: Atlantic Union College Student Handbook (No Midriffs, No Jewelry, Plus Curfews…Oh My, rather Hotchie Motchie)

Most Humbling Moment: Changing my swim trunks in the 7th grade and realizing that being on average 18 months younger than my schoolmates had finally shown a negative side.

Favorite on-screen sex scene: Sex & Lucia. The morning wake-up.

Celebrity I resemble most: Uhhhh…. Once upon a time someone said Mos Def but that was when he had this beard thing going and I had the same thing happening too.

Best or worst lie I’ve ever told: Oh that was today? My bad.

If I could be anywhere at the moment: On a couch with the love of my life

Song or album that puts me in the mood: D’Angelo – Cruising (Wet Pussy Remix) Yeah that is the name.

The five items I can’t live without: My computer, my music collection, my paper, my pens, a decent piece of boxer briefs

Fill in the blanks: pictures are sexy; words are sexier

In my bedroom you’ll find: A bed, four walls, and a myriad of other stuff I’ve lost track of

Why you should get to know me: Because my mission in life is to bring happiness to all the people that are around me, despite myself. Because of one certain individual I’m open to trying everything at least once. I’m a painted canvas just waiting for more and more colors.

More about who I’m looking for: Someone to love me for me. Someone who is not afraid to confront me. Someone who realizes that my use of big words and exclusive trust of pretentious critics is really a cover up to insecurities to unreal to imagine. Someone unafraid to send me to a therapist and actually pick up my Lithium prescription when it comes in. Oh and a willingness to bear my seed as troublesome an experience that might be.