Haze

I've written this posting at least seven times in my head today. But the haze is so thick round these parts, I think it has contributed to my apathy all day.

Whereas yesterday was mildly productive, today has been a lesson in slothfulness. I was hoping to continue the same pace so I could get some things done. It's not too much of a loss though. I still did manage to get the last couple loads of laundry in. Many blogs remain unwritten and files are still not where I'd like them to be on my computer. No big deal though.

As I was sitting on the porch, doing what people on porches do, my mind started to wander. I recently read an old blog posting post by this underground soul singer about the change in Catholic doctrine about children and limbo. I guess limbo as defined by the church is being in a state of complete contentedness but never having any communion with God. I started to wonder if I was in limbo, like if I'm having true communion with God. I mean He's been answering prayers left and right, but maybe it's to keep me close enough so that I can make that final dive into Him.

So I'm listening to the iPod and I ask God to speak to me through it. The whole uncertainty of where I'll be in the next couple of months is weighing heavier on me since it is actually June. The chill I once embodied is slowly evolving into panic. Here's the deal I made to God: If the next song was DC Talk = Washington, D.C.; Donnie McClurkin = N.Y.C.; Anyone else = Just wait on me idiot. I tried to get in some late Yolanda action in the brief pause between songs but I couldn't decide on another viable answer. The next selection? Take 6 (Take six months maybe? Weeks? Days?!!?). The song: You Don't Have To Be Afraid. That God has a sense of humor. And an ill sense of timing.

Living as the other half lives today, you know lazy Saturday, watching baseball and doing chores around the house, it's nice. This is the first Saturday I began in Massachusetts in over a month so it's nice not to be hustling and bustling. And I've also learned that I want to live like Run's House one day. And even I could not escape rooting for the bloody Red Sox.

Life's good. And being beautiful is hard work. But worth it.