Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Ties That Bind

Towards the end of our workday, Special K found a quiet moment to tell me some private concerns. Now the content isn’t what’s important but rather the knowledge that she felt comfortable enough to vent in a way, I am honestly very gratified when I can be a good friend. Probably because, I usually am not one.

Throughout my life, I have had a plethora of friendships. Sadly I have not remained as consistent with them as I would like. I link it mostly to the only child aspect of my upbringing. It’s innate in me to seek out solitude. But funny enough I also learned to like social interaction, so much to the point that when I have a truly awesome experience I almost feel embarrassed at how much I treasure the moments. 

There are a lot of influences in this soufflé. First I grew up only child. Siblings are like practice for the real world, so I was already behind. Then I grew up in an apartment complex in a city which was mostly filled with the old and Jewish. I really only had one consistent playmate and even that wasn’t too often since he’s like 2 years younger and went to a completely different school. And I lived two lives. The school year parts of the calendar were dominated by my church brethren, since I went to my home church’s grade school. But my summers were spent in the upscale neighborhood adjacent to my apartment complex. And even back at grade school, I was skipped and so I was separated from the couple of friends I did have. Then I went to high school in the Bronx. So I didn’t get to share as many experiences and also some of these basic tenets of friendship that are embedded in those experiences.

I’m lucky though. Somewhere along the line I realized how much friendships mean to me. I keep text messages for way too long just because there was a funny exchange or it reminds me of a special event. And now I’m realizing that I have let some just drift to the wayside and that is truly sad. I’m very happy for the ones I have. I’d like to reclaim ones that have fallen into ill shape. I want to start ones that may never have gelled early, but I’d like to salvage and build.

These friendships are somehow very sustaining. I need to put some work in sustaining them.

Jukebox: Strange Fruit Project - Special

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