Oh To Be Young

It's 2:22 in the morning.

Hallway soccer has just terminated.

Biggie Smalls still loiters on the hallway.

I need to move pronto.

You Know

When all the stars align

...like I like the way I have put together my outfit

...my skin is extra radiant and crap

...when the smile is just so

if I put on my charm, I am quite the force to be reckoned with.

I'm not sure I'm in such a vain stretch of my bipolar disorder now, but it is worth noting. I am one charming cat if I actually put my mind to it. That's all for now minions.

Weird

So here's the joke:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow
The Interrup.......
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I don't know if I typed that to read or what. It is really peculiar though that I heard the joke twice in the last week from the two most random of media sources. The first was the movie Half Nelson and the second was a DVD of the show Dr. Katz Professional Therapist that aired in the mid-90s on Comedy Central.

I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe I am an interrupting cow.

I'm Gay

So Black Sheep, a connoisseur in the area of homosexuality, has just deemed me gay. No momma don't cry. I have no interest in my gender in a romantic sense. Rather, because of the fact that I cannot separate emotion from physical desire, I am not a man. So I'm gay.

Looking back it makes so much sense. Right now my belt matches my shoes. Which goes with my shirt and my hat. And my matching is incessant and sometimes a problem. And I do own like 20 pairs of shoes. And I love shopping. I actually know the names of designers and prefer to look at women's clothes. (Christopher Bailey of Burberry is my favorite). I have gotten manicures and yes I do need one. I own the complete Sex & The City in the pink velvet box.

But honestly only one sword can come to the fight. And I loooooooooooooooooooooooooove women. I mean I really loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women. Hips, lips, and fingertips. But yeah I guess in sexual matters with the opposite gender I am gay because I just too damn care much about people's feelings.

The Hills Are Alive

...with the sound of Adam ninja!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why I feel so good today but I just do. I wish I could explain it so I could harness it and replicate it for future occurrences of down time. But fo rnow as usual I will enjoy the ride and skip and sing the songs that come to my head and do whatever I find good and right.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Tired

That's it.

I miss people too.

Why Today

So blessings I've learned more and more can come from the most unexpected sources at the most unexpected times.

So I stayed home this Sabbath day looking for Luna on a telecast from Andrews. But then I saw an orchestra. And I realized I either missed her or they were showing her at a later date. Alas the latter explanation is true and she'll probably be on next week. But i did happen to hear a pretty good sermon regarding heaven.

And when I went for my walk in the surprisingly sunny Brooklyn all I could sing was "Heaven" by BeBe & CeCe. Pedestrians looked at me quizzically from time to time. I could almost read the thoughts. Why is this guy singing in the street? Should I know who he is? Maybe I should ask for an autograph. Black guys in this neighborhood who sing might be famous. Okay all that extra stuff is my imagination running away with me.

And I took a picture with my phone without even looking. I messaged my mom and then I looked at the picture. I couldn't have imagined a sky so blue. God is wonderful. He made the sun. He made this atmosphere that makes us able to live and revel in all his goodness. Bellisimo!!!

Reason To Love NYC #573, #268, #735

#573: You can get gourmet carne asada tacos from a street vendor right after an excellent movie

#268: Each store you pass doesn't sell different variations of the same thing like a mall

#735: Because it's still fun even though it's raining crocodiles & orangutans

Half Nelson

When I was a child part of the reason I loved going to Jamaica was because the hotel we stayed at had a satellite and was my first immersion in cable. We had HBO back in Brooklyn, but down there was TBS, CNN, and my personal favorite the Disney Channel. Now all I really loved to watch was Kids Incorporated and the Mickey Mouse Club. When we returned to the states and we finally got cable, I begged them to pay the extra moolah just so I could continue my MMC addiction.

Now as an adult I never would have thought that I would see so many of my childhood idols doing big things. Justin Timberlake might have released the best album of the year. JC Chasez, well, he has the better voice and he is working on the follow up. Keri Russell turned into a not so bad actress. Christina Aguilera's voice matured into (sadly) the best of the young crop. Britney. Alright, forget Britney. But all the others you could have pointed to success. For the singers, there are the voices. Keri Russell was just cute and that has turned into beautiful. Not much of a surprise for success. But there on that show was Ryan Gosling, who because he didn't sing that often, fell to the wayside often.

But I remember him. I remember that each person on the show had specific things they did. Like Britney was more a dancer and Christina and Chasez were singers primarily, although they had to interchange. You couldn't always be the center of attention. But I really don't remember Ryan singing. He acted a lot. In the sketches. In the fake soap opera thing they had. I remember. And he was the star guy.

So fast forward a decade or so and a forced viewing of "The Notebook" with Coffee Bean. Hey i know that guy. It's the guy from Emerald Cove from the Mickey Mouse Club. Ummmm Ummmm. Ryan. That's Ryan.

And today I saw a movie where he played a crack addicted 8th grade history teacher/basketball coach in Brooklyn. And he was utterly fantastic. Lately I have become more appreciative of the things actors do that aren't in scripts to convey something about the character he's portraying. Mr. Gosling does one of the finest jobs of conveying the quality of disillusionment and denial and just complete lack of faith in one's self. There are wistful looks in the distance that he masters. The eye rubs are dead on. Just the random disconnection of his body. If someone told me he channeled a crack head at a seance, I would have totally believed. I've never felt sympathy for such a misguided asshole but damn Gosling gets the job done.

Though the film focuses mostly on him and his sad life, another plot twist those writers throw at us is the relationship with his black student who eventually sells him crack too. Shareeka Epps is fantastic. Amazing that before this I don't think she did anything else or I think that's what Vibe said about her. She plays the tough girl coming of age but not really wanting to because her life is crap already (brother in jail, nowhere father, mom works doubles on the regular). But she is pretty good. And damn that movie is good. If for some reason the kids at work don't keep me off cocaine, this movie sure did. I left there thinking I was going to quit my cocaine habit and check into rehab. Then the rain hit me and I realized I've never even seen cocaine live. That's how much of an impression was left.

If this guy doesn't win an Oscar in my lifetime, then Jesus must have come back before he got the chance.

I Would Use A Luna Word But Some Don't Like It

So I'm in the middle of movie previews and I just had to get my feelings down. Life is so beautiful right now. I just talked to Luna & Lady Godiva simultaneously online (technology is off the chains). Then a train arrived as soon as i set foot on the platform. Plus I heard Peedi Peedi before I left spitting on "Long Time" by the Roots. So I was really just half dancing down the street hoping someone would notice and ask me what was up. Then I could share in all the joy!!!!!!!! Thoughts are coming so rapidly right now. Like I'm wondering why I never gave State Property more of a chance. I like Beanie, Freeway, Peedi, and even the Young Gunz. That girl with the umbrella with the bright watermelon themed tops is great. The lesbian couple walking hand in hand under an umbrella is beautiful. Everyone is so beautiful including the young brothers who boosted my ego and confirmed my authenticity before I walked in here by asking directions to a trendy store that I actually shop in. I am immersed in joy and no amount of words will suffice.

Yeah So

So I'm listening to this Justin Timberlake here in New York as I have been in Massachusetts and I'm thinking that this is the album of the year. It's weird to say but it just bangs. It sounds like him and Timbaland were on the same page regarding everything. From the epic "Losing My Way" to the "My Love" that T.I. just owns once he lands on it, this disc has everything. This is the way pop used to sound like in the 80s when people knew how to do it. I'll have more on this later. T.I. just came on.

Looks Like A Beautiful Morning

So I'm realizing that I'm not such a morning person. This is troubling. At the start of the summer I was able to hit the snooze about three times but rouse myself out of bed at 9. Nowadays, I do the same snooze thing but I feel groggy and stuff until like 10 or 10:30. This is not a promising development considering I need as much time as possible to study for the LSATs. Plus just think of next year when I'm actually at school. Classes will be early. I need to be able to study late and wake up early without additives to keep me going. So the task for the rest of the week is cultivating early morning wake up habits. And also studying more than I have been. (Although I did get a 166 on my practice).

Dag I actually have to check out schools and mess. I'm totally sleeping on this thing. I guess the last month has made me topsy turvy. Please Lord take away all that is holding me back from what you would have me do.

Welcome To The Terrordome

I just wanted a random title. I've wanted to blog for a while but I had no real topic. Actually I think I had topics. But they're rather fleeting in my mind. Not so much has happened around these parts since I've been gone but that is usually the modus operandi around here.

Yesterday I was extra snappy at the boys for no reason. I even slowed myself down a couple of times and tried to figure out what the problem was. But the solution evaded me. Thankfully Displaced Albino was feeling weird too so maybe it was just the vibes in the building. But he stood on a chair and spun around and then he fell and busted his ass so that was great. Of course that happened at 9:30 so the kids didn't get the benefit.

I still feel kind of overwhelmed with all these relationships lately. I always want to call Luna. Then there's Bassline who happens to be there every time I call Luna. Then there's Coffee Bean & Bonsi. Plus Banana & Wolf Fighter. And it's hard because I have no urge to ever see those people mix. Bassline, Coffee Bean & Bonsi maybe but even then it would have to be short. Ahhh if that is my problem I should thank God for it.

What else is there? I want to get as much as possible before I disappear again. I need to move out the dorm. The no-cable situation plus random outbursts of noise just can't work. I like to download as I please with scheduled noise occurrences you know. I have ADD I think. Just slightly. This blog is about nothing but I keep switching to other windows.

I think I'll end here. I'll be back I'm sure

Let's Evaluate Things

Life is pretty darn wonderful.

Let's check off the list.

1) I woke up to a message from Luna
2) I don't work today
3) I finally located Bassline and he gave me the cogent advice I was needing
4) I am only one day removed from my last correspondence with Lady Godiva which was seriously missed
5) I'm going to a mall with the Wolf Fighter
6) The sun is shining
7) Last but certainly not least God is awesome. So amazing and beautiful and Sabbath is approaching.

Plus my miniscule job prospects seem promising, my girl Special K shouted me out in a MySpace bulletin which brings me the weirdest sense of pleasure, and Luna wrote a beautiful poem and I was the subject. Sigh. Now I even type like her.

I've decided I'm going to be more expressive with this blog like using bold, italics, and caps more often. And hyperlinking like I used to. That is if I get enough time to actually read things interesting enough to hyperlink.

Oh joy. Joy abounds in spades!!!!!!!!

Ummm Why Am I Not Doing A & R

So I was just driving with Coffee Bean & M. Low at Wendy's and the radio was turned down. But I heard a familiar beat and turned it up when we hit the drive through window. It was Justin Timberlake with T.I. off his new album. Wait a minute. Isn't that the song I've been bumping ever since I obtained an illegal copy from an unnamed friend on a message board? This continues my string of picking singles from albums before they're even out.

With T.I., I picked "Why You Wanna" way before it was a single. Boy Wonder was almost annoyed with how much I played it but then he came around. And "Shake It Off" was number one on my playlist way before the Clear Channel conglomerate played it out.

Should I just suck it up and make myself subservient to the music industry for a spell so that my long term genius can shine through? Oh the dilemmas of life.

Words Are Weapons

So I was conversing with Displaced Albino and Untouchable about the sheisty set of situations that has developed at work and talking bout how I would write this amazing document to send to Human Resources and the Chief Operating Officer detailing how sheisty and discombobulated everything is and basically admonishing everyone who ever set foot in the place that was not me, DA, Untouchable, or my dearly departed soldiers who left before the crap hit the central air.

Then it hit me how good I am with words. I wish I could trust myself to believe that I could make some sort of career out of it. I wish I slowed down enough and had enough patience to deliver this craft. I have tons of blogs that I want to do, but am always scared of making it look so neat and sweet and publish ready as if someone is reading this dutifully other than Luna.

Words are great
Words are fun
I think I'm gonna
Write me some

The Caretaker

So I was talking to Black Sheep (my gay Catholic friend, you remember) after my mini breakdown and he helped me figure out how much of a caretaker I am. I always knew that I had this protector ethos in me. But listening to myself explain it to him, I realize just how passionate I am about making sure people are okay.

So often I get lost in myself explaining something to one of my kids or friends because I'm so enamored with increasing people's bases of knowledge. And just like tonight, I just want everyone to be good and have the things they need to achieve. I think that's why I think law is good for me, or at least the type I plan to practice. Sometimes I see lawyers as the individuals who can navigate all the minutiae of legal code to ensure people are protected. Ideally I want to be working with artists, whether visual or performance, to make sure that their work is protected and that they can be creative without fear of it being taken away or abused.

I love the background and making sure things are facilitated. It's why I was so good at being Executive Vice President of our Student Association. I didn't have to be a cheerleader, but I was known as a guy who could keep things together and make sure things ran smoothly. Setting something up that's wonderful is just as rewarding to me as performing the actual wonderful thing. Tis my nature. Lord let me apply your gifts in the way you see fit

Did I Really Do That

So today was turning out to be the best double ever in the history of Perkins. The guy runnning shift was my newest friend and rhyme partner Displaced Albino (I'll come up with a better nickname later) and Banana had to work at our program cause her boys spent the night. We had some dance parties. We played some video games. Basically there were no major issues.

Until around 8:00 p.m. We had so many staff that I had chores done and stuff way before closing time. So it was a surprise to me that one of our boys walked himself into a time out room and shut himself in. I know he's bipolar but there was no noticeable trigger tonight. Now most times we leave him in there till he falls asleep and let the night awakes handle it. But he was banging his head on the door and I was feeling the vibrations all the way in the hallway. So with my excess energy I actually open the door on him and did an escort OUT of the room and was basically forcing him to stay in his room.

He was still kicking me and trying to get me off of him but I just kept talking to him wanting him to slow down. He is supposed to be moving to an older boys program on campus and I could tell that he was probably scared out of his mind and just acting out cause that's what my kids do when they're scared. I had to just leave him and sit in darkness for a while to catch my breath. Then I finally came back and walked him back into a room.

Gosh I was crying on the phone to Luna though I don't think she could tell. She definitely heard my frustration. And luckily I ran into a staff who was working and I asked how he was doing and he said that he talked it out and it was that he was scared and after I left he went straight to bed. So I know that what I did was unorthodox but it made me feel better that some good came of it. (We also stripped his room and found basically the house's media library in his room. Bipolar and a klepto. You gottta feel for the kid).

It's so taxing sometimes though. I'm not sure what keeps me going back. But I'll be there early tomorrow. God help me.

Influx of Friends

So I realized today that I am quite a social ho. Even though I bark out this only child I can handle things on my own message, whenever someone comes calling for the most menial of things, it seems as if I'm game to them. This summer saw the development of three relationships: Bassline, Three's Company (Banana & Wolf Fighter), and most of all Luna. Now I have my new friend ADD. Plus Coffee Bean & Bonsi are back in town for school. Plus there is always Untouchable. I feel like I am suddenly awash in social contacts. I'm tempted to renege on my horoscope disavowal because I'm curious if the stars predicted any of this. Or know how I should handle all this attention. Most of all I don't want to mess up what I have with Luna because that's young and fragile and the most worthwhile to continue at this point. But I also realize that I am a gregarious person that actually likes people and hanging out. What a dilemma. Lord help me cope