Spirit of Peace

One of our charges at work is mentally retarded and has some psychosies. His mom is also mentally retarded but also fervently religious. he has religious word searches and DVDs but recently Mom gave him a Bible. Since his reading is limited to words he recognizes, obviously staff must read to him the "doth"s and "cometh"s and "begat"s that populate the Book. I remember the first time I was asked to read something religious and my supervisor clarified that I could read it but I had to offer no comments on it, positive or negative. That seemed like a reasonable compromise. Constitutional rights intact but separation of church and state also intact as well.

So I have regularly read to him and paraphrased without offering a bias since the mere reading would defeat the purpose. Lately he has been losing his mind and sent a supervisor to the hospital yesterday, which was the second supervisor he sent to the hospital in the past month. Now he has been removed from the community and has staff attention 1 to 1 for the weekend. Of course on the day I picked u, I got the responsibility. I didn't mind too much. He's mostly a chilled out kid except for his lapses of control. And I did hold him today for two minutes and he was in another hold when I left to get his dessert, but otherwise he was mostly copasetic. He's parking in the solution area where we've moved his mattress and he wants me to read him his Bible. Even though we're not supposed to be talking with him, I figured the exception would be the Bible reading.

First my buddy and supervisor CR says you shouldn't do that. In my crankiness and religiosity, I somewhat snap back ansd say I will read. Program director sees me and asks me to stop. I offer my side that I thought it was okay since you know religious and all. He offers me some mess about him having a serious incident and needing to follow the plan. I gave him back the Bible and quietly seethe.

Initially, I was just going to be rebellious and read the thing when they left. Then I thought better of it. I was going to write an e-mail to the COO and the Human Rights Officer. But then I thought that wouldn't be fair to my program director. I figured I'd e-mail him with a detailed explanation and blind carbon copy the aforementioned people. Then I thought, "Maybe there is a justifiable reason." I thought I'd do research on my own time and figure out how deep it should go. Then I realized I should pray.

The prayer was a sentence. I don't even know what I said.

And I was still seething.

Within 2 minutes, the program director came back in and realized that he couldn't read and said it was okay.

Can you praise Him now people?

There is nothing else to say.

When Being On Hold Is Okay

it's rae for me to go for 24 hours without even looking at my e-mail, but due to my extended day out yesterday, that is what happened. So after my parents ambled off to church, I thought I would do a quick check before I got ready myself.

As I opened GMail, one of the more recent messages was from Northwestern Law. I thought it was some message reminding me about some element of my application that I overlooked or some fee due. Wrong. "The admissions committee has completed its review of your application." Wait a minute. Y'all doing this stuff by e-0mail now. I was expecting the envelope, thin or large, in the mail. And so soon. I swear that everything just got complete like last week.

We're at a crossroads here. Open up the address where my decision lies and possibly have Jesus stolen away from me on the Sabbath. Know that it's there, leave it, and get ready like I planned. Now this would have been the sensible thing to do. GOd can take care of stuff. The e-mail would still be there. Even if I checked it after church at least church would have been in my system to help me weather any blow. I rose. I sat. I rose. I sat.

Damn impulses had me click the button. But I needed to find my applicant number, which required a search through older e-mail. FInally Last name punched in. First name punched in. Social in. LSAC number in. Applicant ID number in. And the PDF says.....

"On Hold."

Now for some that's an anti-climactic moment. For me, tears of relief and joy. Why? Well friends, my academic career throws up more question marks than affirmations. Truly, the most attractive part of my application is that I scored in the 90th percentile of the LSAT and black people don't do that too often. But of course that does not make the whole case. So considering how crappy my resume may look, Northwestern still said this guy might be worth a shot. ANd in no way am I under the assumption that I will eventually be offered admittance. Wait list is nowhere near sure. But if the #12 school in the country thought I was worth a look, it makes me feel good. And they all could still reject me (Update: When I came home to Massachusetts. William & Mary went the conventional way and sent me one of those thin envelopes) but there is a weird sense of peace around the whole ordeal.

I keep telling myself, and others, that they could all reject me but that I would move on. And I think I honestly believed it. But in the midst of believing there were unattended scraps of worry that I put under the carpet of my soul and they bothered me more than I realized. That would explain the tears. But God has kept me and keeps on keeping me. I've already played Mary Mary (Thank You) and Hezekiah Walker (Faithful Is Our God) at least three times each.

That mustard seed faith is hard at times but when it comes through, it does with a vengeance

Chuuuch

That's the only way to describe the religious experience I had today. I totally forgot that it was Youth Week of Prayer (which is why my parents were somewhat miffed when I returned home last night). I already was going to church with something extra to praise God for but the environment heightened the experience exponentially.

For one we had a crazy band to accompany our praise team. This included my former music teacher who eventually became a musical director for gospel artists so you know it was on point. They even sang my current favorite gospel song which I had played all this morning (Hezekiah Walker - Faithful Is Our God). The youth choir was on point too.

But it was the sermon. The highly regarded son-in-law of our senior pastor was up to the plate and boy he delivered. My thumbs were never motionless because I was typing so many notes in my cell phone. Working out of Acts 12, this is the main stuff I took.

1) When your faith is awake, you can go to sleep. Me and mom looked at each other on that one. That is some power right there.

2) When God calls, you have to "arise quickly" so the chains will come off. Too often, stuff is leading us in a certain direction and we dawdle and miss out on things that were supposed to be ours. So when the spirit is moving, you have to get up. It's what Peter did in Acts 12 when the angel came to free him from prison.

It was truly a fulfilling service. I haven't been so juiced leaving church in a while.