Sandee's

Before arriving in South Lancaster, I was vaguely aware of a neighborhood establishment, usually revolving around food, where there were regulars and a kind of mini-community existed. Now I know they exist in New York City, but it seems hard to cultivate. In the city there are so many people and so many new things happening every day that the time and energy to cultivate such a regular bond with one establishment is hard.

That's why I kinda like Sandee's so much. It's a little diner right down the street from the school and they serve some of the biggest fish & chips portions ever. The chef knows me. A number of the waitresses know me. And I just get a warm feeling for the two minutes I'm in there picking up food. Guess it's just nice to have something else to return to in this ever changing world

Dame Espacio

So Three's Company (Banana, Wolf Figther, and I) went out for a spell last night just to chill. On our way back from chilling there was a blowout between the girls. Seems Banana's tensions had been rising for a while. I had talked with her earlier on the phone and she just vented that she didn't feel like she was getting her personal space from the Fighter. So when she took a more circuitous route and was dropping Fighter off before me, even though logically the reverse would have made more sense in an efficiency sort of way, Fighter called her on it and just went onto an outlandish zone with accusations and assertions.

It's sad. I know Banana loves Fighter. And in her own weird way Fighter loves Banana but it comes across somewhat ummm misunderstood. But no matter it got me thinking about space and what we need from people. There are certain people that you don't mind them being in every nook and cranny of your life either because of right (parent) or just earned status (significant other). But for most other levels that information should be volunteered and even then it's stratified so that not everyone is getting the same amount of stuff. I won't lie. Some people just won't know about where I will be on certain nights while some will. It's just a fact of life.

I hope they make amends. Friendships shouldn't be lost over silliness like that. I also hope that communication improves for all of us cause I will not be the proverbial wishbone.

Unexpected

So I was conversing with Luna when a very passionate knock came upon my chamber door. Upon answering, I found the chaplain and assorted male students on a prayer walk throughout the dorm. So I told Luna I would call her back and threw on a shirt.

And it felt so good just even after I told the chaplain what my prayer requests were. I felt like weight had been lifted by just admitting I needed some help. And it just got better once we started praying. Like I was kinda sleepy on the phone with Luna, but afterwards I just felt more awake and alive.

I'm always amazed at how God impresses on people to do things when they don't even realize the positive impact that they are about to have on others. But life is good. And my outlook is very positive for once. I wish I knew how it would all work out, but I'm glad that I am secure in the fact that it will

My Mom Is Better Than Yours

So Sarabi (that's mom; remember I'm Simba people) e-mailed me yesterday about possible Mets tickets for the playoffs. I frantically fired one back hoping that the scavengers of city employees wouldn't be quick enough to take up the offer. Lo and behold, Game 1 of the Mets first playoff series in six years and yours truly will be there.

Oh I can't even believe it. I was about to go home last week just to make it to a Mets game for the only time this year but resigned myself to missing out on the rebirth, even though I made it to two games last year. But now I get to go to the postseason. How crazy is that?!?!?!?

And after my LSAT. What a present. Now I have even more resolve to kick ass on this test. I want to make the Mets experience one of the highest of the year.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

El Corazon

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no can figure out.
- Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV, NLT, The Message)

Wednesday Lady Godiva was filling me in on the many developments and emotions associated with her life (which I will not divulge but would encourage her to in an even more possibly interesting blog than mine, which should be called Krama Magnet) and we both mentioned the profoundness of this verse. Today, my brain has slowed down to the point where I am actively processing that sentiment again and I'm really trying to understand the damn thing. But my brain won't let me.

Or maybe just like the verse says, I don't have the capacity. No one does I guess. I don't know why I am drawn to the things I am drawn to or why I hold on to the things I hold on to. It's troubling at times because there are things I want to let go and things I would like to possess but I feel like my heart won't let me do it. Confusion is the only order of the day it seems at times.

I feel quite maudlin all of a sudden. That's not too great. Deliverance will come.

Oh The Children

WHEN A GUY MISSES YOU
Guy Facts:

When a guy calls u he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes, he means it

When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do?

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you, " he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else

Girl Facts:

When you break a girls heart, she still feels it when you run into eachother 3 years later.

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl says that she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you, " no one in this world can miss you more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a breakup she wants you back, but she's scared she'll get hurt and knows your gone forever.

This is a MySpace bulletin probably created by some teen who is going through the world of emotions and thinks that they have a handle on the world because they've memorized "The Notebook." As I read it though, I have to admit that as simplistic as this all sounds at points, some of it is very on point. I don't know what that means but I thought I would mention it.

Leave Of Absence

No posts yesterday but for good reason. Yesterday I picked up my last morning shift of the week. Except I was there till 2 pm as opposed to my usual 9 am bouncing. I was going to blog form the intervention room at the school, but then one of my boys started to get unfocused so I began to give him a talk on the different levels we attain psychologically. He i sone of the smarter ones and can handle it.

It's funny how smart you can be when you are dispensing advice to others though. Because right after he got himself settled and I sent him back to class, he was back in intervention within 10 minutes. He went off on a rampage about how it wouldn't have happened if his teacher was in the room, blaming it on the teacher's aide's presence. But then I started to tell him to take responsibility for his actions and to start to think of ways to handle it more appropriately. I wish I could use that advice for myself sometime.

Anyway it was a pretty cool day in school. I like working in the school because I get to interact with a lot of kids that I wouldn't normally see. And personally it owrks out for me because I love to talk and figure kids out, try to help them along in the 5 minutes I get. And I think the kids like it too, because it's someone new and they're getting attention and well it's just good. Plus I like when in future visits they remember my name. Just proves that for a glimpse I made a positive impact. Everybody deserves some love and I'm just trying to give out what I can.

After that, I went to an outlet plaza about 45 minutes away with my co-worker. Purchased more hoodies and some Timberland boots so that was worthwhile. Then I collapsed. For like four hours. Supposedly I even got a phone call from Wolf Fighter, had a conversation, and then went back to sleep. That is how tired I was.

Afterwards I went to Applebee's with Coffee Bean and Bonsi. And then we went to a bad bar where there was karaoke. And yes I did partake in the devil's brew. I had resisted the urge at Applebee's but in the air of social hour, I guess I succumbed. And realized again what a worthless expenditure of time and money alcohol is. Really it doesn't do much. It kind of eased the headache that was forming, but sleep could have taken care of that much better. All in all a stupid move. So that was the leave of absence for my brain.

This morning I woke up and my room was a mess. I have to study my patoot off. Sabbath is approaching. I am really happy for that. I think I am going to immerse myself in Jesus this Sabbath more than I have recently. I've let our relationship slip recently. The concerns of the world sadly are a bit too distracting.

Donde Esta Mi Cabeza?

I went to work 30 minutes late today. I just didn't feel like I was in my element.

And the spaciness perpetuated all day.

But the boys liked the stuff me and Untouchable picked out for their rooms. It's was the first time I saw them get unfocused because they actually liked the decorating. One boy, when he slowed down, actually said "I like this day." It warmed my heart. I wish it warmed it more but my head wasn't completely there. At least I remember that much.

Uhhhh.

Where did it go? Overtime might be killing me.

Eli's Coming (Losing My Way)

Three Dog Night song the Hixican Jew put in my head a long time ago. Very eerie vibe to it. That's how I feel today. (Justin Timberlake song that also feels appropriate today)

Woke up and went to work for another two hour adrenaline rush at work today. Sometimes I am amazed at my boys and my interactions with them. They're great. That same boy I mentioned yesterday was dropping so many quotes I can't remember them all. But I was in stitches on the hall. And I went to work it was windy and cloudy and dark. But when I left it was noticeably warmer and definitely sunny.

It's kind of how I feel about life. My living situation is getting kind of complicated. Banana's sister pulled out of their father's plan to get them a house so now that's up in the air. It seemed so sure but I guess I should know by now that nothing is sure. I'm praying something works out.

And that's something I realized. I haven't been praying as much. I feel like I've been skating by. But on my walk home from work today I realized all this. The living thing. The LSAT thing. The bill thing. The job thing. I feel like I am close to my breaking point. But I also feel appreciative that I have noticed that I might be close to it and that's really important. Before I probably would have broke and then shut down. At least I'm recognizing it now. The vacation and my sojourn to Michigan are in back to back weeks and I couldn't have asked for better timing. And even before I realized that I haven't been praying as much, something about the sunshine and the gentle breeze had me very optimistic, like my heart knew that things would work out.
And all things work for the good. That's Romans children. 8:28 if you must be precise.

Life is like how I felt last night. There's tension. It's uncomfortable but it's not exactly bad either. And I know that the metaphorical equivalent of Banana's massage will come make it all better and I can sleep well in perpetuity.

Yeah

I work in 5 hours

I'm still up.

Damn massage actually gave me energy, though I guess my sleep will be more efficient since I had all that tension released.

Luna is beautiful though. I will e-mail her now.

Too personal?

It's my blog so get used to it.

What was that?

Don't backtalk me.

Yeah I thought so.

Oh Such Is Life

So it's hate/love right now.

Pro: I am one of the coolest staff ever.
How do we know this? Because kids from all programs know my name and flock to say what up. Even day students I see for a maximum of 5 minutes a week respond to me.
Con: I am one of the coolest staff ever.
The problem with this is the fact that all the kids call on me all the freaking time. It also means I can barely ever take a break because until these new guys get comfortable and the kids trust them I gotta be on the hall to make sure the place doesn't spontaneously combust. Thank God for coffee.

Pro: Banana is in massage therapy school.
This is great because she needs test subjects for evaluations and such and I have entered her good graces enough to be one of the two that she does massage along with Wolf Fighter. So for the great price of zilch I am treated to massages that relieve tension as she increases her knowledge of the human body
Con: Banana is in massage therapy school.
The con in this is the fact that we all work at the same place which means we all get out at 10 which means that there is usually only one time she can do the massages. You guessed it after work. And right now I should be asleep in my bed getting ready to wake up again at six in the morning so I can be at work again. But after today's exhausting day, when she texted me about coming over, I sadly succumbed. It's actually where I'm blogging from now. At least I'm getting some LSAT studying done and I am getting a free massage and she is good at it.

Pro: Yo momma's on crack rock
Well this is good because it means your mom is probably always up for a good time. Going to the supermarket is never just going to the supermarket with mom. Plus all your friends' moms are jealous cause they don't understand why she stays so super thin.
Con: Yo momma's on crack rock
Well when you go to the supermarket, you never have enough money to buy food so there goes that. Plus her nose is always runny. And your friends' moms actually like take care of their responsibilities. Sadly your mom is strung out on the couch.

Pro: The LSAT is next week.
This means I am one step closer to not being stressed and applying to the next chapter of my life.
Con: The LSAT is next week
And I haven't prepared enough (though I still like my chances). Plus that just means I get to worry about what schools I will apply too. And the actual mundane elements of the application. And the application fees. And the rejection. And the worry about paying for it. And the actual schooling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha. Life is good though. Now to study and wait for my turn on the table.

Because I Like To Find New Ways To Be Unproductive

I made a new blog. It's called Smart Playlist and will be a running dialogue on all my media especially all the stuff I have accumulated but still have not absorbed. It will focus mostly on music, but DVDs and books will make it from time to time. I think I'll still post here about exceptional experiences in the media world but I'll try to keep the mostly mundane over there.

Even Though

"....the birds ain't singing and the sun ain't shining, it looks like a beautiful morning.

Each day's another chance to do the things I could've
Done the day before, but I didn't and I known I should've
So I say a prayer for the gone for gooders
Who left this world, then kiss my girl "good mornin', shuga"
Another sunrise, and as much as I would love
To roll over on you I cannot do it because
The good Lord I prayed to him
And he said, "People is listening now"
So I better have something to say to 'em

And if I had to go back, I wouldn't change a thing
Wouldn't re-cut it, re-edit, or change a frame'
Cause it would not be fair, to turn my back on the struggle
When that exact same hustle got me here"
- Phonte, Little Brother, "Beautiful Morning"

A little grandiose on the opening I know. I'm not a fan of blogs that are just lyrics. But that is how I feel this morning. I feel a new horizon upon me.

I woke up this morning late for the first of 4 mornings this week that I picked up at work. For three of those mornins I only stay till 9 to make sure the kids get to school. Today was one of those days. I realized I was late so I just threw on sweats. As I was walking through the door I just had the urge to run. Speaking with Luna I guess aroused my interest in voluntary exercise again. So I just started running. And it felt good. I mean real good. I surprised myself with my staying power, even up a hill I was dreading half a mile before I hit it. I didn't make it all the way to work without stopping. I really didn't expect too. But it gave me something to work toward I guess and I felt a whole lot more awake than if I had downed the energy drink I had planned to.

So I get to work and I find that I like the morning shift. I figured this out about a week ago when I picked up then. Something about the frantic pace to get everyone showered and changed and fed and in school on time kind of excites me. I think part of it is just that I have no idea what I am doing at that time. During my shift the routine is down to a T. I know all the roadblocks that might occur, what things to avoid and such. But in the morning, it's a crapshoot. you never know how a kid will wake up. You never know which kid will wet or anything. But you gotta make sure 15 boys are in school on time and it's like an adrenaline rush. And I got reaffirmed today in my own abilities. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I am damn good at my job. It's nice to have your superiors say it but I don't need it. I know I can talk to those kids and get them to do what they need to be doing.

(Side note: While in a solution room today, one of my kids, a rotund 7-year-old was calling himself Eminem, reciting such hits as "Mocking Bird" and "Salt Shaker." It was fantastic and made me even more glad I woke up.)

And I am proud of the fact that I haven't collapsed yet considering my sleep was so little. I had planned on taking a nap upon my return but I realized that I probably wouldn't do what I should be getting done today. Plus this is just the thing I was talking about. There will be all nighters for the next three years and I won't always have the luxury of shutting myself down so I might as well start practicing. I think I'll run every day to work this week and see where it takes me.

I'm really excited about life right now.

M & M's

You know as I scroll through my text messages and the silly banter I was going through with Untouchable in texts, I realize that I am most passionate in conversations that discuss either marriage or music. Untouchable and I were going back and forth about decorating ideas because she had gone to Target and picked out bedding and we were going through our ideal situations. Then I started thinking about how obsessive I am over baby names and thinking about what schools my kids will attend or what shows they will watch. Are these the appropriate thoughts of a man who is still trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life?

And then I started to think about how much music means to me and how passionate I get when I talk about it. I spent like 20 minutes telling a kid how an iPod worked and all the history of the music that he liked. By the end he was so distracted that he couldn't even remember why he was in trouble. I get like verbal diarrhea when I start talking about music to the point that I know people must roll their eyes and silently wish for me to shut up. But that's just me. I don't know what it means about me or what but it's just worth mentioning anyway.

In Solemn Stillness

There are points when the human body can take no more. About 67 minutes ago, I hit that point. I just got off the phone with Luna. I was in my bed. But I couldn’t do anything. Music was playing. I felt the notion to sing along. Couldn’t do it. After that it’s all a blur. The music kept playing but I danced in and out of songs. At one point MF Doom was telling me about a raid and the next Jamie Foxx was singing about a gold digger. I was conscious to know I wasn’t in some weird MTV2 dreamland but I couldn’t act upon any of the thoughts that came to my mind occasionally. And now I am still slow. I am ultimately sluggish but I am fighting my body because I don’t want to fall asleep for two hours than be wired for another four. Especially since I have to be up tomorrow at some crack of dawn. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

The Archnemesis

Well not any more but once upon a time.

So Coffee Bean's boyfriend is in town. This is the same one that she cheated on me with oh a summer ago. I must say that his existence just makes my curiosity run wild. This guy allegedly will come for my voice box if Coffee Bean ever breaks up with him. He is obsessive enough that he created her MySpace page for her. And no one other than Coffee Bean likes him. Luna met him briefly and she is the most objective and she doesn't like him. Bonsi doesn't like him. Lady Godiva, Coffee Bean's sister, has supreme distaste for him. But since he is so polarizing a figure, I feel the need to understand him. Maybe it's the psychology aspect of me that has me so interested. I mean I understand the appeal of him to Coffee Bean. She loves attention and this dude gives it to her in spades. But I wonder what drives him so hard. Was it his sickly childhood? His dyslexia? Why is he a raging atheist as opposed to so many other things? Well these are the subjects that may never be solved.

Figuring out Luna is a whole lot more rewarding

Smoking Question

Okay so earlier tonight I was in a gas station with the Wolf Fighter and we noticed a sign that piqued both of our interests. So basically it seems that a person is limited to buying only 10 cartons of Philip Morris brand cigarettes in one day. Now I know I was a smoker but I rarely ever touched cigarettes. Only in desperation if I could not find my mini-cigars of choice. Now as far as I understand a carton contains 10 packs of cigarettes. Buying one carton a day is crazy but I guess understandable considering the addiction level. But honestly who was buying more than 10 cartons in a day to warrant such a limit? Is it really that deep? It makes no sense to me.

Oh To Be Young

It's 2:22 in the morning.

Hallway soccer has just terminated.

Biggie Smalls still loiters on the hallway.

I need to move pronto.

You Know

When all the stars align

...like I like the way I have put together my outfit

...my skin is extra radiant and crap

...when the smile is just so

if I put on my charm, I am quite the force to be reckoned with.

I'm not sure I'm in such a vain stretch of my bipolar disorder now, but it is worth noting. I am one charming cat if I actually put my mind to it. That's all for now minions.

Weird

So here's the joke:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow
The Interrup.......
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I don't know if I typed that to read or what. It is really peculiar though that I heard the joke twice in the last week from the two most random of media sources. The first was the movie Half Nelson and the second was a DVD of the show Dr. Katz Professional Therapist that aired in the mid-90s on Comedy Central.

I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe I am an interrupting cow.

I'm Gay

So Black Sheep, a connoisseur in the area of homosexuality, has just deemed me gay. No momma don't cry. I have no interest in my gender in a romantic sense. Rather, because of the fact that I cannot separate emotion from physical desire, I am not a man. So I'm gay.

Looking back it makes so much sense. Right now my belt matches my shoes. Which goes with my shirt and my hat. And my matching is incessant and sometimes a problem. And I do own like 20 pairs of shoes. And I love shopping. I actually know the names of designers and prefer to look at women's clothes. (Christopher Bailey of Burberry is my favorite). I have gotten manicures and yes I do need one. I own the complete Sex & The City in the pink velvet box.

But honestly only one sword can come to the fight. And I loooooooooooooooooooooooooove women. I mean I really loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women. Hips, lips, and fingertips. But yeah I guess in sexual matters with the opposite gender I am gay because I just too damn care much about people's feelings.

The Hills Are Alive

...with the sound of Adam ninja!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why I feel so good today but I just do. I wish I could explain it so I could harness it and replicate it for future occurrences of down time. But fo rnow as usual I will enjoy the ride and skip and sing the songs that come to my head and do whatever I find good and right.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Tired

That's it.

I miss people too.

Why Today

So blessings I've learned more and more can come from the most unexpected sources at the most unexpected times.

So I stayed home this Sabbath day looking for Luna on a telecast from Andrews. But then I saw an orchestra. And I realized I either missed her or they were showing her at a later date. Alas the latter explanation is true and she'll probably be on next week. But i did happen to hear a pretty good sermon regarding heaven.

And when I went for my walk in the surprisingly sunny Brooklyn all I could sing was "Heaven" by BeBe & CeCe. Pedestrians looked at me quizzically from time to time. I could almost read the thoughts. Why is this guy singing in the street? Should I know who he is? Maybe I should ask for an autograph. Black guys in this neighborhood who sing might be famous. Okay all that extra stuff is my imagination running away with me.

And I took a picture with my phone without even looking. I messaged my mom and then I looked at the picture. I couldn't have imagined a sky so blue. God is wonderful. He made the sun. He made this atmosphere that makes us able to live and revel in all his goodness. Bellisimo!!!

Reason To Love NYC #573, #268, #735

#573: You can get gourmet carne asada tacos from a street vendor right after an excellent movie

#268: Each store you pass doesn't sell different variations of the same thing like a mall

#735: Because it's still fun even though it's raining crocodiles & orangutans

Half Nelson

When I was a child part of the reason I loved going to Jamaica was because the hotel we stayed at had a satellite and was my first immersion in cable. We had HBO back in Brooklyn, but down there was TBS, CNN, and my personal favorite the Disney Channel. Now all I really loved to watch was Kids Incorporated and the Mickey Mouse Club. When we returned to the states and we finally got cable, I begged them to pay the extra moolah just so I could continue my MMC addiction.

Now as an adult I never would have thought that I would see so many of my childhood idols doing big things. Justin Timberlake might have released the best album of the year. JC Chasez, well, he has the better voice and he is working on the follow up. Keri Russell turned into a not so bad actress. Christina Aguilera's voice matured into (sadly) the best of the young crop. Britney. Alright, forget Britney. But all the others you could have pointed to success. For the singers, there are the voices. Keri Russell was just cute and that has turned into beautiful. Not much of a surprise for success. But there on that show was Ryan Gosling, who because he didn't sing that often, fell to the wayside often.

But I remember him. I remember that each person on the show had specific things they did. Like Britney was more a dancer and Christina and Chasez were singers primarily, although they had to interchange. You couldn't always be the center of attention. But I really don't remember Ryan singing. He acted a lot. In the sketches. In the fake soap opera thing they had. I remember. And he was the star guy.

So fast forward a decade or so and a forced viewing of "The Notebook" with Coffee Bean. Hey i know that guy. It's the guy from Emerald Cove from the Mickey Mouse Club. Ummmm Ummmm. Ryan. That's Ryan.

And today I saw a movie where he played a crack addicted 8th grade history teacher/basketball coach in Brooklyn. And he was utterly fantastic. Lately I have become more appreciative of the things actors do that aren't in scripts to convey something about the character he's portraying. Mr. Gosling does one of the finest jobs of conveying the quality of disillusionment and denial and just complete lack of faith in one's self. There are wistful looks in the distance that he masters. The eye rubs are dead on. Just the random disconnection of his body. If someone told me he channeled a crack head at a seance, I would have totally believed. I've never felt sympathy for such a misguided asshole but damn Gosling gets the job done.

Though the film focuses mostly on him and his sad life, another plot twist those writers throw at us is the relationship with his black student who eventually sells him crack too. Shareeka Epps is fantastic. Amazing that before this I don't think she did anything else or I think that's what Vibe said about her. She plays the tough girl coming of age but not really wanting to because her life is crap already (brother in jail, nowhere father, mom works doubles on the regular). But she is pretty good. And damn that movie is good. If for some reason the kids at work don't keep me off cocaine, this movie sure did. I left there thinking I was going to quit my cocaine habit and check into rehab. Then the rain hit me and I realized I've never even seen cocaine live. That's how much of an impression was left.

If this guy doesn't win an Oscar in my lifetime, then Jesus must have come back before he got the chance.

I Would Use A Luna Word But Some Don't Like It

So I'm in the middle of movie previews and I just had to get my feelings down. Life is so beautiful right now. I just talked to Luna & Lady Godiva simultaneously online (technology is off the chains). Then a train arrived as soon as i set foot on the platform. Plus I heard Peedi Peedi before I left spitting on "Long Time" by the Roots. So I was really just half dancing down the street hoping someone would notice and ask me what was up. Then I could share in all the joy!!!!!!!! Thoughts are coming so rapidly right now. Like I'm wondering why I never gave State Property more of a chance. I like Beanie, Freeway, Peedi, and even the Young Gunz. That girl with the umbrella with the bright watermelon themed tops is great. The lesbian couple walking hand in hand under an umbrella is beautiful. Everyone is so beautiful including the young brothers who boosted my ego and confirmed my authenticity before I walked in here by asking directions to a trendy store that I actually shop in. I am immersed in joy and no amount of words will suffice.

Yeah So

So I'm listening to this Justin Timberlake here in New York as I have been in Massachusetts and I'm thinking that this is the album of the year. It's weird to say but it just bangs. It sounds like him and Timbaland were on the same page regarding everything. From the epic "Losing My Way" to the "My Love" that T.I. just owns once he lands on it, this disc has everything. This is the way pop used to sound like in the 80s when people knew how to do it. I'll have more on this later. T.I. just came on.

Looks Like A Beautiful Morning

So I'm realizing that I'm not such a morning person. This is troubling. At the start of the summer I was able to hit the snooze about three times but rouse myself out of bed at 9. Nowadays, I do the same snooze thing but I feel groggy and stuff until like 10 or 10:30. This is not a promising development considering I need as much time as possible to study for the LSATs. Plus just think of next year when I'm actually at school. Classes will be early. I need to be able to study late and wake up early without additives to keep me going. So the task for the rest of the week is cultivating early morning wake up habits. And also studying more than I have been. (Although I did get a 166 on my practice).

Dag I actually have to check out schools and mess. I'm totally sleeping on this thing. I guess the last month has made me topsy turvy. Please Lord take away all that is holding me back from what you would have me do.

Welcome To The Terrordome

I just wanted a random title. I've wanted to blog for a while but I had no real topic. Actually I think I had topics. But they're rather fleeting in my mind. Not so much has happened around these parts since I've been gone but that is usually the modus operandi around here.

Yesterday I was extra snappy at the boys for no reason. I even slowed myself down a couple of times and tried to figure out what the problem was. But the solution evaded me. Thankfully Displaced Albino was feeling weird too so maybe it was just the vibes in the building. But he stood on a chair and spun around and then he fell and busted his ass so that was great. Of course that happened at 9:30 so the kids didn't get the benefit.

I still feel kind of overwhelmed with all these relationships lately. I always want to call Luna. Then there's Bassline who happens to be there every time I call Luna. Then there's Coffee Bean & Bonsi. Plus Banana & Wolf Fighter. And it's hard because I have no urge to ever see those people mix. Bassline, Coffee Bean & Bonsi maybe but even then it would have to be short. Ahhh if that is my problem I should thank God for it.

What else is there? I want to get as much as possible before I disappear again. I need to move out the dorm. The no-cable situation plus random outbursts of noise just can't work. I like to download as I please with scheduled noise occurrences you know. I have ADD I think. Just slightly. This blog is about nothing but I keep switching to other windows.

I think I'll end here. I'll be back I'm sure

Let's Evaluate Things

Life is pretty darn wonderful.

Let's check off the list.

1) I woke up to a message from Luna
2) I don't work today
3) I finally located Bassline and he gave me the cogent advice I was needing
4) I am only one day removed from my last correspondence with Lady Godiva which was seriously missed
5) I'm going to a mall with the Wolf Fighter
6) The sun is shining
7) Last but certainly not least God is awesome. So amazing and beautiful and Sabbath is approaching.

Plus my miniscule job prospects seem promising, my girl Special K shouted me out in a MySpace bulletin which brings me the weirdest sense of pleasure, and Luna wrote a beautiful poem and I was the subject. Sigh. Now I even type like her.

I've decided I'm going to be more expressive with this blog like using bold, italics, and caps more often. And hyperlinking like I used to. That is if I get enough time to actually read things interesting enough to hyperlink.

Oh joy. Joy abounds in spades!!!!!!!!

Ummm Why Am I Not Doing A & R

So I was just driving with Coffee Bean & M. Low at Wendy's and the radio was turned down. But I heard a familiar beat and turned it up when we hit the drive through window. It was Justin Timberlake with T.I. off his new album. Wait a minute. Isn't that the song I've been bumping ever since I obtained an illegal copy from an unnamed friend on a message board? This continues my string of picking singles from albums before they're even out.

With T.I., I picked "Why You Wanna" way before it was a single. Boy Wonder was almost annoyed with how much I played it but then he came around. And "Shake It Off" was number one on my playlist way before the Clear Channel conglomerate played it out.

Should I just suck it up and make myself subservient to the music industry for a spell so that my long term genius can shine through? Oh the dilemmas of life.

Words Are Weapons

So I was conversing with Displaced Albino and Untouchable about the sheisty set of situations that has developed at work and talking bout how I would write this amazing document to send to Human Resources and the Chief Operating Officer detailing how sheisty and discombobulated everything is and basically admonishing everyone who ever set foot in the place that was not me, DA, Untouchable, or my dearly departed soldiers who left before the crap hit the central air.

Then it hit me how good I am with words. I wish I could trust myself to believe that I could make some sort of career out of it. I wish I slowed down enough and had enough patience to deliver this craft. I have tons of blogs that I want to do, but am always scared of making it look so neat and sweet and publish ready as if someone is reading this dutifully other than Luna.

Words are great
Words are fun
I think I'm gonna
Write me some

The Caretaker

So I was talking to Black Sheep (my gay Catholic friend, you remember) after my mini breakdown and he helped me figure out how much of a caretaker I am. I always knew that I had this protector ethos in me. But listening to myself explain it to him, I realize just how passionate I am about making sure people are okay.

So often I get lost in myself explaining something to one of my kids or friends because I'm so enamored with increasing people's bases of knowledge. And just like tonight, I just want everyone to be good and have the things they need to achieve. I think that's why I think law is good for me, or at least the type I plan to practice. Sometimes I see lawyers as the individuals who can navigate all the minutiae of legal code to ensure people are protected. Ideally I want to be working with artists, whether visual or performance, to make sure that their work is protected and that they can be creative without fear of it being taken away or abused.

I love the background and making sure things are facilitated. It's why I was so good at being Executive Vice President of our Student Association. I didn't have to be a cheerleader, but I was known as a guy who could keep things together and make sure things ran smoothly. Setting something up that's wonderful is just as rewarding to me as performing the actual wonderful thing. Tis my nature. Lord let me apply your gifts in the way you see fit

Did I Really Do That

So today was turning out to be the best double ever in the history of Perkins. The guy runnning shift was my newest friend and rhyme partner Displaced Albino (I'll come up with a better nickname later) and Banana had to work at our program cause her boys spent the night. We had some dance parties. We played some video games. Basically there were no major issues.

Until around 8:00 p.m. We had so many staff that I had chores done and stuff way before closing time. So it was a surprise to me that one of our boys walked himself into a time out room and shut himself in. I know he's bipolar but there was no noticeable trigger tonight. Now most times we leave him in there till he falls asleep and let the night awakes handle it. But he was banging his head on the door and I was feeling the vibrations all the way in the hallway. So with my excess energy I actually open the door on him and did an escort OUT of the room and was basically forcing him to stay in his room.

He was still kicking me and trying to get me off of him but I just kept talking to him wanting him to slow down. He is supposed to be moving to an older boys program on campus and I could tell that he was probably scared out of his mind and just acting out cause that's what my kids do when they're scared. I had to just leave him and sit in darkness for a while to catch my breath. Then I finally came back and walked him back into a room.

Gosh I was crying on the phone to Luna though I don't think she could tell. She definitely heard my frustration. And luckily I ran into a staff who was working and I asked how he was doing and he said that he talked it out and it was that he was scared and after I left he went straight to bed. So I know that what I did was unorthodox but it made me feel better that some good came of it. (We also stripped his room and found basically the house's media library in his room. Bipolar and a klepto. You gottta feel for the kid).

It's so taxing sometimes though. I'm not sure what keeps me going back. But I'll be there early tomorrow. God help me.

Influx of Friends

So I realized today that I am quite a social ho. Even though I bark out this only child I can handle things on my own message, whenever someone comes calling for the most menial of things, it seems as if I'm game to them. This summer saw the development of three relationships: Bassline, Three's Company (Banana & Wolf Fighter), and most of all Luna. Now I have my new friend ADD. Plus Coffee Bean & Bonsi are back in town for school. Plus there is always Untouchable. I feel like I am suddenly awash in social contacts. I'm tempted to renege on my horoscope disavowal because I'm curious if the stars predicted any of this. Or know how I should handle all this attention. Most of all I don't want to mess up what I have with Luna because that's young and fragile and the most worthwhile to continue at this point. But I also realize that I am a gregarious person that actually likes people and hanging out. What a dilemma. Lord help me cope